Can't sleep...

I can't sleep. My heart is too heavy to let me sleep and I know I'll regret it in the morning when Grayson wakes up around 8...but that's ok.

A very dear friend of mine is in critical condition after battling pneumonia and going into cardiac arrest. He went into respiratory failure and is on a ventilator helping him breathe as he cannot breathe on his own. My heart is hurting so bad. He has a beautiful wife, a daughter, a son, a daughter-in-law, 2 grandbabies, a sister, family and friends who love him so much...and I don't think he knows just how much!

Mr. David is his name. This man...oh this man! I met him at Lighthouse Baptist Church in 2005 when I was doing a role in their play Judgment House with my sister and her now husband. They have been the sweetest people to me! I have always believed in God...but never felt a connection like I should have...until Judgment House. After Judgment House, I joined my church again after several years of not going. I was at a point in my life where I blamed God for so many things...mainly my dad leaving and treating us so horribly. There were just so many other things, but I won't go into detail. I never understood why God would let me go through all of that. It felt like the devil was beating me down over and over again. Every time I felt like life was good, everything would come crashing down again. So I blamed God...not knowing that he had better plans for me than I could ever imagine. I joined my church, got my faith back up, and couldn't have been happier with the way my relationship with God was.

I then joined Mr. David and Mrs. Theresa's church, Chrysalis, every Sunday and Wednesday night I believe it was (might have been more than that). This is where God truly opened my eyes. I was still going to Pisgah Lutheran every Sunday morning, but Chrysalis really dug deep to me. It was a place I called home, where I could be myself, where I could sing as loud as I wanted, where I could dance as much as I wanted, where we prayed over each other, where we cried together. We were a family. Not saying Pisgah wasn't there for me. Chrysalis was just a different church that I enjoyed just as much as my Pisgah family.

Mr. David listened to every problem I had. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't tell a soul. Only him, God and I knew. He helped me so much reconnect with God in a way no one else could. He saved me.

Mr. David is the sweetest man I've ever met in my life. He'll do anything for anyone even if he isn't capable of doing so...he'll find a way. Even as bad as he struggles and has struggled for a long time, he always manages to put a smile on his face and do for others....because that's what God sent him on this earth to do. So I need everyone to be here for him. Even if you don't know him. Say a prayer for him PLEASE!

Lord, I ask you to please lift Mr. David up. Heal him, Lord. This isn't how it's going to end. This isn't going to be the last time I see him and see his smile. It's just not! It's just not his time, Lord. He has such a beautiful family whom I love so much! They've been through enough. I know You do things for a reason and You make people stronger at the end of it all. So PLEASE, Lord! Please make him strong to fight all of this. This man means so much to me, only You know just how much. Let him know he's loved not just when he's sick, Lord. He still has to meet my son, Lord, who he's been dying to meet and I'm sorry I haven't made that happen sooner. I'm trying not to kick myself right now. I'm trying not to kick myself for not staying in more contact with them. I promise to this day forward to never take a moment for granted, to never just say I can do it later or do it tomorrow...because I'm not promised that. I'm not promised anything on this earth. Lord, just please heal this amazing man. <3

Slackin' on the Bloggin'

I haven't posted in a while. Things have been so hectic now that we have a baby mover! Grayson can army crawl like it's no one's business! Takes after his daddy I guess lol! He's almost got the crawling down pat but just gets too tired so he army crawls. He even knows how to spin around real fast and go backwards! Haha! He's growing up so fast! He'll be 8 months tomorrow! Where has the time gone? Oh, and this week, he has learned the word "da-da" and "no-no". We're in trouble! Lol! He'll say, "mmmm," but can't quite get the hang of adding "ma". He gets smarter and smarter day by day. He knows how to feed himself, too! And boy let me tell you, he's Mister Independent at its finest! It's so funny though...he'll pout when you try and talk to him sometimes while he's eating in his high chair (mostly when he's tired though), but it's just too funny! He's FINALLY sleeping in his crib for bedtime and sometimes during nap time (although sometimes I fall asleep with him in my arms at night while I nurse him so he just stays in the bed with us). He loves telephones, doesn't matter if it's a house phone, cell phone, or a fake toy phone lol...but keys on the other hand, if they're not metal, he has nothing to do with them! He hates the fake ones! He likes the jingly metal ones better! Haha!

Since I'm a month behind lol...Thanksgiving was great! We were surrounded by our whole family (well my side of the family plus TC's mom). It was nice for all of us to be around each other! Grayson even got some Thanksgiving dinner in the Baby Bullet. I fixed him some turkey, rice and carrots and he LOVED it!

Christmas is just a few days away and we're getting SO excited to see how Grayson reacts to everything. We had Christmas with my Mawmaw and Pawpaw yesterday and Elizabeth and Grayson had a ball over there (although, Elizabeth wanted to play with Grayson's toys and got mad when he wouldn't share lol. She even was trying to teach Grayson how to share)! We didn't have a traditional
"feast" as I'd call it when I was little, but we still had a lot of fun. We had pizza, cookies, brownies, and fudge. So yummy! I definitely miss going over there Christmas Eve, having our "feast", waiting until midnight to open presents, and drinking hot chocolate from our reindeer cups. We haven't done that in years ever since my parents divorced though. I didn't find all of it so exciting when I was little because we'd be over there for so long and having to wait so long to open presents (and it took forever! we unwrapped presents individually and everyone watched each other open one present at a time lol), but boy do I miss it! I so wish I could go back in time and relive those moments.

We're going to be busy bees around here this week. Christmas Eve afternoon, we're going to my mom's house to have lunch (I think lol) and to open presents from my mom and grandparents. After that, Grayson and I are going to the 2:00 Christmas Eve Service at church. I can't wait for him to hear all the Christmas songs the kids will be singing. He loves to sing so he'll probably join them lol. Christmas Eve night, I think TC and I are going to do our present opening with Grayson (we haven't decided on doing it Christmas Eve night or really early Christmas morning yet lol). Christmas morning we'll all be at my Nanie and Gran's house to have brunch and to exchange our small gifts with my cousins, TC's mom, Aunt Lisa, Uncle Joel. And then Christmas afternoon we're going to TC's dad and stepmom's house to spend Christmas with them and TC's 2 sisters, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. Can't wait to see them! We haven't seen them since Memorial Day when Grayson was only 1 month old! They're going to be amazed at all the new things he can do!

Today, Grayson and I went to Grandma Sally's house (TC's mom) after church to see daddy's progress of clearing land. Grayson was asleep in the car and I SO wanted to see what his reaction would be to mud since it was so nice outside. So I woke his grumpy self up and played in the mud with him. He LOVED it...until I took the pinestraw and leaves out of his hands! He got mud all up his mouth! He didn't get too dirty besides his mouth, hands and feet until he got mad at me and smeared the mud all over his stomach lol. Baby wipes weren't cleaning up ANYTHING. It was just smearing it and wasting baby wipes lol So I just loaded him up in the car with just his diaper, went straight home, and we took a bath! Thankfully I took his clothes off BEFORE I let him get in the mud so I wouldn't have to do a load of laundry too lol. I loved getting all dirty with him! I definitely don't want to be the momma who gets mad over messy kids because I can't keep him or any other kids we may have clean forever! I don't want to be the momma who gets mad when Grayson spills something or breaks something. I'll make sure he knows that he can't purposively spill or break something, but I'm going to try and do my best to make the situation fun instead of putting my child down making him feel horrible over a little mess. Items that get broken isn't the end of the world, things are replaceable, and messes can be cleaned up....but the way you make a child feel by yelling at them can't be replaced. Their feelings can be soothed but the way you spoke to them, they'll remember. As much as I hate a mess, I'd hate to hurt my son's feelings the most. I just pray daddy will back me up and be on board too lol. We can always dream!

Well I'm jumping off of here and going to spend some time with the hubby for a little while before we go to bed now that Grayson is asleep (in his crib might I add lol). Goodnight everyone! I hope all of you have a safe and merry Christmas!

Happy happy happy!

Yesterday was my birthday and it was pretty awesome! TC took me out to Grecian Gardens for lunch. I got the yummy spanakopita with greek potatoes and a salad and of course TC got his usual lasagna with a salad. Poor little Grayson wanted our food so bad but he was ok with eating his banana puffs. TC then took me shopping to get some clothes and a pair of shoes...AND he even ordered my wedding band set. So excited and can't wait for it to get in! It's gorgeous! My momma cooked me some meat loaf with mashed cauliflower. So delicious! And I had a cookie cake. So it was a good day and what was even better is that I had both of my boys with me all day! :)

Grayson is getting so big! He turned 7 months on Saturday, the 23rd. Where has the time gone, seriously? He hasn't gotten the hang of crawling yet but boy does he roll over quick fast and in a hurry! He gets so proud of himself! And he LOVES bath time! He's always loved it but he loves it even more now that he has gotten too big for his baby bath tub so he gets to lay on his tummy in the big bath tub all by himself (well with Mommy right there with him of course). He loves when the water's running and he likes to turn the switch to the drain. I'll put him at the end of the tub and within seconds he's on the other side trying to get that drain. Lol!

Grayson has also learned how to clap his hands and stick his tongue out when you stick yours out at him. It's too funny! And the littlest things make him giggle (like my Nanie's hands and when Daddy says, "GOODNIGHT!") haha! He's always such happy and good baby. He's especially good in church which I'm so glad! All of these toddlers will be babbling or pitching fits and he'll just look at them and go, "AHHH!" almost like he's trying to tell them to be quiet! He's such mess! Lol! He still knows the sign language for "milk" too! We have taught him "poop" and he'll sometimes sign that and he actually had pooped! It's pretty funny! BUT my mother-in-law let us borrow this sign language book and we couldn't find the sign for "poop" so I looked it up. WELLLLL what we THOUGHT was "poop" is really "sh*t!" Bahahaha! So we have since corrected it but Grayson still signs the other way! Whoops! Lol! Guess we shouldn't have copied THAT from Meet The Fockers! Lol!

We're doing pretty good on this end! We're hopefully moving next year around Grayson's 1st birthday but we're going to make sure his birthday comes first and we aren't moving around that time. Although some things have been tough and we're struggling a little bit, we couldn't be more blessed. We're healthy and happy, we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, we're able to breathe and move and hear and see without any troubles, we have a bed to sleep in, heat to warm us, working cars to get us from point A to point B, and most importantly we have each other and our friends and family by our side. I couldn't be more thankful!

Phewwww!

It's been a busy month around here! Between taking care of Grayson and juggling my photography, it's been a little overwhelming to say the least!

Grayson will be 6 months old on Wednesday! Where has the time gone? He is learning so much! He knows how to roll over (he's been doing that for awhile but he's not slow at it anymore). He even crawled to me once! He's learning how to copy our hand motions. He saw us slap our leg for the dogs to come to us and he started doing it! He even does it to TC and I lol. He saw me do this ocean wave motion with my hand and does that all the time. I even taught him how to sign "milk" with his hands. It's too funny! He doesn't quite know how to ASK for milk when he wants it, but he'll copy me when I nurse him lol. He can also sit up on his own with assistance with his boppy. He's such a smart baby! Can't believe he's 6 months old! :(

We took Grayson to the state fair and he LOVED it! Last year we went, I was pregnant with him! Daddy won him a minion. He's going to be a minion for Halloween (although the pictures below, he's a monkey. We just wanted to get a few shots of him in the monkey costume since he was too dang cute in it not to). Can't wait for his minion costume to be done so I can do some pictures in that :)

Here are some pictures from the last few months:

4 Months Old:

 

 Breastfeeding Session:

Just a little Halloween fun:

1st Halloween:

He LOVES those bananas!

 Eating green beans:

5 Months Old: 

 1st State Fair experience with Daddy:

Daddy won him a Minion

 He LOVES bath time!

 Riding the merry go round with Mommy:

Sick Baby :/

I swear Grayson cannot catch a break. First his milk protein intolerance, then him not passing his hearing test and thinking something wrong was his hearing and having to see an audiologist (thankfully he finally did), then his acid reflux, then his tummy problems and not being able to pass a normal bowel movement and having to see a gastroenterologist, then spending time in the ER for his tummy on his 3rd month birthday, then us moving and him being all confused and not being able to sleep well trying to get used to everything, and now he has an upper respiratory infection. Phew! One of these days, he'll catch a break and I'm bound and determined come the 23rd when he turns 5 months that NOTHING is going to go wrong. But at least he's still happy through it all. He's one tough cookie like his momma (if I do say so myself lol). Poor little thing will be sleeping and have a cough fit and wake up not able to go back to sleep. He's so sleepy! Just wish they could give him something but they can't with him being so young. He just has to fight it off as the days go by. Thank the Lord for breastmilk so he can fight it off quicker. My poor little poo-pa! :(

TC and I are doing alright. He quit his job due to management problems so he's trying to get a new and better job that will pay better so we can get our own place. We're living with my grandparents for right now until tax time hits. Hopefully we'll be out by then as long as we can get TC this job and save up money too. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my grandparents and I love that they're able to give us a place to stay, although we're very cramped. I'm just independent and don't like to depend on people. TC's the same way. I'm just ready to live on my own again, have my own bedroom, my own kitchen and living room, and have a place Grayson can call a permanent home. But sometimes, you just have to suck up your pride and do what you have to do for your family. And that's what we're having to do. It is good to have someone to talk to when TC's not home where I'm not all by myself though because talking to a baby and getting crazy looks gets a little sad haha!

Business and been real slow which sucks! Hopefully when it starts getting cooler, I'll get business. Christmas is getting close and that's one of my busiest holidays along side Easter. So I'm pretty excited. And I'm even more excited for NEXT summer when I do my 4th of July stand mini sessions and my Lemonade Stand mini sessions. Even though I can't wait for cooler weather. Just dreading the winter. I have to be too hot and I hate to be too cold lol. Spring and Fall are this girl's seasons! Hopefully when we get our house, I'll have a room specifically for my studio. I really want to give my clients the option of indoor photos too. I just need to get the equipment and some back drops and some more photo props and I'm praying to God this works :)

Halloween is approaching I cannot wait! Pretty sure I'm more excited than a kid on Christmas morning! Grayson was going to be a sock monkey but NO ONE has the right sized costume in town and I refuse to pay $30 plus shipping to buy it online. So an awesome friend from college, Blair, is making Grayson a crocheted minion costume. Eeeeek! It's too cute! Can't wait to take him trick-or-treating. Just praying it's not too cold! I know it's probably lame that parents take their baby trick-or-treating when they can't eat food let alone candy, but I think he'll enjoy seeing what Halloween's all about (even if he doesn't understand it lol).

Okie doke. Gotta jump off of here. Grayson is crying and coughing like crazy!

Another Family Update

So much has been going on lately. First and foremost, TC, Grayson and I moved in with my grandparents due to land lord issues. The house we were living in got too unsafe for us to live in. It's been stressful. That's an understatement actually. It's just been so hectic trying to unpack, get Grayson back on a schedule, get everything organized, and have the time to balance work and mommy life. It's been crazy!

But anywho. Out big boy is 4 months old! He knows how to make funny noises with his mouth, roll over, eat mashed naners (as we call it), sit up in a big boy high chair, give kissies, pitch a fit (lol), and fully hold his head up (well he's been doing that but he does it so well!). His tummy time is increasing and he loves to raise up on his elbows. He even pushed off with his hands one time! He's getting so big! He's not a fan of oatmeal cereal though (we skipped the rice cereal due to it being known to cause constipation and he doesn't need help in that department lol). He's been having tummy troubles for about 2 months now and it breaks my heart. He has seen a gastroenterologist and was taken off of his acid reflux medicine and switched to a different one. THAT was a nightmare all on its own to get that! He's allergic to mint and that's the only flavor they have in that medicine. NO ONE had that medicine in stock besides Walmart but of course they only had mint flavor. So they had to order his medicine. He went a week without his medicine and you talk about fussy baby! His tummy is still bothering him and he isn't passing a bowel movement normally. I know breastfed babies can go 8-10 days without a bowel movement, but when he goes it's....well disgusting and looks like a bomb of poop exploded. But I won't go into detail about that lol. We had to take him to the Children's Hospital because he couldn't stop pooping last week and they gave him another kind of medicine that I have to put into a pumped bottle. Not sure how well THAT'S gonna work when he REFUSES a bottle since he's not used to one. Had to take him to his pediatrician a few days ago because I'm just so fed up with how he's in pain and it's breaking my heart. His pediatrician told me to give him the medicine the doctor at the Children's Hospital and if that doesn't work, he gave me a can of hypoallergenic formula (since he also has a milk protein intolerance) and I swear I'm gonna cry if I have to give him formula. I just want to breastfeed as long as I can. But if the medicine doesn't work and the formula does then I'm gonna do whatever it takes for him to get better. Poor little thing is just in so much pain from it all and I wish more than anything that I could just take it away from him and put it upon myself. So with that and his acid reflux and him being milk protein intolerant, it's been a roller coaster ride and this mommy is sleep deprived!

Aside from all of his problems, Grayson weighs 14.14 pounds and is 25 inches long! Growing like a weed!

My niece, Elizabeth, and him and just too cute together! She loves her cousin and Grayson is just so intrigued by her! They are just too precious! Elizabeth just turned 2 this past Friday. I've asked her for a month now what she wanted for her birthday and her answer is always french fries! Lol this kid is obsessed! I asked her if she wanted a baby for her birthday since she's obsessed with Grayson and she says so cutely, "noooooo!" and the look on her face is just priceless when she says it. Oh, I could just listen to her funny self 247. She's just too funny!

Grayson and TC act EXACTLY alike. Grayson loves his daddy so much! I swear if I didn't breastfeed him, he'd have nothing to do with me lol. TC was at drill this weekend and wanted to talk to Grayson before he went to bed. I had already laid him down for the night but he was being fussy. I put the phone against Grayson's ear and TC talked and you talk about that child's whole face lit up. But then he looked at the phone weird like, "woah da-da! how did you get in there?!?" Lol! Too cute! I walked out of the room to talk to TC again and once I got off, I went to go check on Grayson and he was out like a light. All he needed was to hear his daddy's voice. TC hasn't been away overnight since May so it was a little hard on TC.

Besides the move, we've been doing pretty good. Struggling a bit, but that's ok. This too shall pass! Goodnight folks! I'll add some pictures later :)

Family Update

Sorry I haven't updated lately. My internet has been down for a month and my laptop has been acting all kinds of crazy! Urghh!

Any way! Grayson is 3 months old (15 weeks to be exact). He's growing so fast! He weighs 12 pounds and 12 ounces now! Wow! He's been having a problem passing a bowel movement the past 2 weeks and is in some pain but still happy as can be. We have to take him to a gastroenterologist to see what's going on. My poor baby boy! If it's not one thing, it's another. But he's such a trooper through it all with a big smile on his face.

We have created a monster though. I put him in front of the TV ONCE to watch Toy Story 3 and he's hooked! So far, he LOVES Toy Story 3, Monster's Inc. (that's his favorite), Franklin, Blue Clues, and Dora the Explorer. And he LOVES watching his daddy play video games! He's so silly! He's now watching Shark Week with Uncle Koda. Lets hope this doesn't scar him lol

My dad came down for a week on July 23rd. He took us to Carowinds that Thursday and we had so much fun! It was Grayson's first summer trip and he LOVED it! The first ride we got on was the ride where you can view the whole park. He loved the lazy river until the sprinklers got in his face. It was cold and he didn't like it one bit! That and he hated the life jacket he had to have on. We got in the kiddie pool where he didn't need a life jacket and he loved it! It wasn't too cold and he was just a splashin and laughin! We then went around to the gift shops and Grayson loved the dinosaur shop with the big moveable dinosaurs. He was so intrigued. I rode Top Gun and lets just say I won't be getting on an roller coaster any time soon lol. We got a cartoon sketch of Grayson that I will add a picture of later. It was too cute!

Grayson got baptized on July 28th. Grandma Lollie (my mom), Pop-Pop (my dad), Grandma Sally (TC's mom), Nanie (my grandma), Aunt Amber (my sister), Uncle Jon (my brother-in-law), cousin Elizabeth (my niece), Aunt Gretchen (my best friend), and of course Mommy and Daddy were there. Aunt Gretchen became Grayson's God-Mommy. Such a wonderful day! :)

Here are some pictures over the past month: