Can't sleep...

I can't sleep. My heart is too heavy to let me sleep and I know I'll regret it in the morning when Grayson wakes up around 8...but that's ok.

A very dear friend of mine is in critical condition after battling pneumonia and going into cardiac arrest. He went into respiratory failure and is on a ventilator helping him breathe as he cannot breathe on his own. My heart is hurting so bad. He has a beautiful wife, a daughter, a son, a daughter-in-law, 2 grandbabies, a sister, family and friends who love him so much...and I don't think he knows just how much!

Mr. David is his name. This man...oh this man! I met him at Lighthouse Baptist Church in 2005 when I was doing a role in their play Judgment House with my sister and her now husband. They have been the sweetest people to me! I have always believed in God...but never felt a connection like I should have...until Judgment House. After Judgment House, I joined my church again after several years of not going. I was at a point in my life where I blamed God for so many things...mainly my dad leaving and treating us so horribly. There were just so many other things, but I won't go into detail. I never understood why God would let me go through all of that. It felt like the devil was beating me down over and over again. Every time I felt like life was good, everything would come crashing down again. So I blamed God...not knowing that he had better plans for me than I could ever imagine. I joined my church, got my faith back up, and couldn't have been happier with the way my relationship with God was.

I then joined Mr. David and Mrs. Theresa's church, Chrysalis, every Sunday and Wednesday night I believe it was (might have been more than that). This is where God truly opened my eyes. I was still going to Pisgah Lutheran every Sunday morning, but Chrysalis really dug deep to me. It was a place I called home, where I could be myself, where I could sing as loud as I wanted, where I could dance as much as I wanted, where we prayed over each other, where we cried together. We were a family. Not saying Pisgah wasn't there for me. Chrysalis was just a different church that I enjoyed just as much as my Pisgah family.

Mr. David listened to every problem I had. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't tell a soul. Only him, God and I knew. He helped me so much reconnect with God in a way no one else could. He saved me.

Mr. David is the sweetest man I've ever met in my life. He'll do anything for anyone even if he isn't capable of doing so...he'll find a way. Even as bad as he struggles and has struggled for a long time, he always manages to put a smile on his face and do for others....because that's what God sent him on this earth to do. So I need everyone to be here for him. Even if you don't know him. Say a prayer for him PLEASE!

Lord, I ask you to please lift Mr. David up. Heal him, Lord. This isn't how it's going to end. This isn't going to be the last time I see him and see his smile. It's just not! It's just not his time, Lord. He has such a beautiful family whom I love so much! They've been through enough. I know You do things for a reason and You make people stronger at the end of it all. So PLEASE, Lord! Please make him strong to fight all of this. This man means so much to me, only You know just how much. Let him know he's loved not just when he's sick, Lord. He still has to meet my son, Lord, who he's been dying to meet and I'm sorry I haven't made that happen sooner. I'm trying not to kick myself right now. I'm trying not to kick myself for not staying in more contact with them. I promise to this day forward to never take a moment for granted, to never just say I can do it later or do it tomorrow...because I'm not promised that. I'm not promised anything on this earth. Lord, just please heal this amazing man. <3