Thursday, May 23, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Good News :)
So TC found out last weekend that he won't be deploying. The circumstances behind it suck and TC's not too thrilled about it to say the least, but I'm SO happy he isn't going!
He got to AT on the 10th. I had to drive down to his unit in Saluda to give him some documentation and let me just tell you, Grayson was SO good on the trip there and back!
Well, that Saturday (the 11th), TC found his profile in his stuff and had to turn it in. His profile pretty much says he can't do anything because of his knee. He can't carry a weapon, he can't walk a certain amount of yards with equipment, and he can't run or swim or any of that jazz....because of his knee. Bunch of BS if you ask me when he hurt his knee during Basic Training almost 4 years ago! And they're just NOW doing something about it. He was transferred back to his other unit and kicked off of the deployment. He's been pretty bummed about it because we had already discussed and accepted the fact that he was going. That, and we really needed that money so we can build a house of our own. TC's doing better about it though.
I, on the other hand, am stoked! TC will be here for Grayson's first year and won't miss a thing. That's been the hardest thing to deal with through this whole thing. TC's been real down but I told him that he's the lucky one. He'll be able to be there for Grayson's first time going to the fair in October. He'll be there for Grayson's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and Birthday. He'll be here to see Grayson's first steps, first words, first haircut, and the first time he cuts a tooth. He'll be here for our anniversary and so much more! Not a lot of guys in the military who get deployed get to witness those times without a video camera or Skype. He'll be here and I'm more than thankful for that.
Things can change at any minute and that's what's in the back of my mind. Everything happens for a reason. This will be the 2nd deployment that has gotten snatched away from TC but I told him that everything happens for a reason. Because what if he did get to go on that first deployment. What if something happened to him then? I would have never known him. I would have never found my best friend and the man who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with....and we wouldn't have this beautiful baby boy in our lives or watch him grow up. Everything happens for a reason. I believe that with my whole heart.
As of right now, Grayson will be a month old on Thursday! Where has the time gone? We have watched him grow into a handsome little baby the past month. We have lost sleep, lost touch to the outside world, and we've lost our minds lol but we haven't lost time and I'm thankful for that.
Grayson weighs 8 pounds and 13 ounces as of this past Friday! He's a little chunk munk! I'm so blessed that he's healthy and that TC and I are healthy. I've come a long way since giving birth to Grayson and I thank God for getting me better. Grayson is such a good baby and such a blessing to mine and TC's lives. He's definitely a momma's boy though! He can't stand when I step out of the room or when I'm only 5 feet away from him. TC will be holding him in the recliner and I'll literally be 2 feet away on the couch and Grayson just stares at me the whole time waiting for me to get him lol but he loves his Daddy too! He likes to sucker punch Daddy in the face! haha! They're so cute together and the way TC looks at him is unbelievable! He loves his son so much!
Raising a baby is hard work especially when you're breastfeeding. It's frustrating some times because all you want to do is sleep without having to wake up every 2 hours. But I wouldn't trade it for the world because I'm going to miss these days as crazy as that sounds. Grayson won't be small forever and before we know it, he'll be all grown up...and I'm going to cry like a baby! Lol! This month has flown by and I hate it some times because it feels like time is slipping away. It's going by so fast and I can't believe it. Grayson and TC, I love yall more than anything in this world! To the moon and back <3
Friday, May 10, 2013
The next 3 weeks...
Are gonna be long as hell! And I hate it! TC left this morning to go to AT. Of course he called me at around 8:30 and asked me to come up to his unit in Saluda because he needed some important documentation. And I'm really glad he asked me to because I was more than half asleep when he kissed Grayson and I goodbye this morning so it gave me the chance to actually kiss and hug him. Grayson was excellent in the car on the way there and back. It's about an hour to an hour and a half drive both ways so I was very surprised I didn't have to pull over and breastfeed him. I pumped a bottle but the way he eats bottles is crazy!
But any way! TC will be gone for 3 weeks. He'll be home on the 31st but then has to turn around and go to Columbia for Yellow Ribbon Ceremony June 1st and 2nd. But thankfully he'll be sleeping at the house the 31st and 1st so I'm excited about that. Then he's taking a week off from work so we can go on a mini vacation to Charleston. I have a photoshoot on the 6th down there so we're heading down on the 5th and probably staying until the 7th.
It's just going to suck. I'll be able to talk to him on the phone, text him, and Facebook him...but it's not the same. I know it's only 3 weeks and so many people are telling me that it's not that big of a deal...well it is when he'll be deploying in August and this AT bull crap takes a month away from us to spend time together and for TC to spend with his son. I'm just tired of people telling me the time will go by fast and that it's not that big of a deal. If only they knew. I don't wish this on anyone. It's just harder now that Grayson is here. That is what's killing me the most. I'm just glad that Grayson won't remember any of this when he's older. That's the only good thing that's coming out of the timing of all this.
TC's afraid that Grayson will be scared of him once he comes back from deployment. That and the fact that Grayson won't know who he is. I reassured him that Grayson WILL know his daddy. He'll know his voice and what he looks like every single day while he's gone. I'll make sure of that.
As much as we need the money and we'll be able to do so much once TC gets back, it just sucks so bad! It sucks not knowing exactly where he is, what he's doing, and whether or not he's ok. He won't be able to call us every day. And I try not to worry about him getting hurt or killed over there but it's hard when SO many men and women do die over there doing the simplest things like playing with kids or just walking around. The uncertainty just kills me more than anything. I know he'll be able to skype and call us every now and then and he'll be able to write us....but it's still not the same. It just hurts so bad! I try not to think about it. I try to stay positive...but my heart just hurts! He's not even gone yet and my heart is broken.
I know I'm strong. I have been through so much in my life already. But never something like this. How do you say goodbye to someone who you have fallen so much in love with, who has become your best friend and the father of your child and so much more, and who has been there for you through so much?!?! How do you say goodbye to someone and knowing that they may be the last time you see them?!? TC has promised me that he's coming home and I believe that with my whole heart...I HAVE to believe that. But just not knowing hurts so much! I can't describe this emptiness in my heart. I can't describe what I'm feeling. All I can say is that it hurts so bad!
Sometimes I just scream and ask God why! Why OUR family? Why now? Why ever? I know God is watching over us and I know He'll keep me strong and pull me through this. And I know He has put people in my life who love us and who will support us and take care of us. But it's still not going to be the same without TC here. No amount of people can soothe me enough. I know want him here. Call me selfish, I don't care. There's just so much on the line right now. TC will be missing his own birthday. He'll be missing Grayson's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthday, and so many of Grayson's first holidays. He'll be missing Grayson's first words, the first time he crawls, his first steps, his first haircut, the first time he eats cake and ice cream, and so many of Grayson's milestones.And it just sucks! Don't know how to explain it any better.
The next 3 months are just going to fly by and I don't want it to. He found out for sure that he'd be deploying the first weekend in April. That's when he found out he'd be gone for a month for AT. That seems like yesterday that he was told that. And here we are. I just want time to slow down as much as it will. I don't want this time to slip away from us.
There's skype, yes. I'll be taking too many pictures and videos to count, yes. But why does TC have to watch his son's first year through a screen or through pictures and videos?!?! It's just not fair! It's not fair at all. This feels like a nightmare. Before Grayson was born, I told myself that we'd be fine. That I could do this, no problem. I told myself that it'l be hard but that I've got this. Now that Grayson is born, I feel like I don't. I just look into his eyes and see his daddy and it just breaks my heart. I'm so thankful to have him...I just wish his daddy would be here and not have to leave. I know it's better for him to leave now while Grayson is young....but it's not better on me. I'm doubting myself that I can do this when I know I can. I just pray to God that year will fly by. I pray to God that the day he leaves us and we're in that airport that time will go before my eyes and we'll be right back at that airport picking him up in a year like we never even left that airport to begin with. I know things will be different once TC gets back. He'll be different. But I pray to God that He watches over us and makes everything ok. I know He will. I have to believe that in my heart. <3
Just pray for us. Pray hard for us please. Never did I think at 22 I'd be where I'm at now. I'm thankful I am though. Just wish certain things would be different...or at least the timing would. Todd Cowan Wallace, I love you more than anything in this world! Asides from the day our precious son was born, the day I met you and the day I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with my best friend (being YOU) was the greatest day of my life! I love you to the moon and back, baby! Pinky swear and lock it! <3
But any way! TC will be gone for 3 weeks. He'll be home on the 31st but then has to turn around and go to Columbia for Yellow Ribbon Ceremony June 1st and 2nd. But thankfully he'll be sleeping at the house the 31st and 1st so I'm excited about that. Then he's taking a week off from work so we can go on a mini vacation to Charleston. I have a photoshoot on the 6th down there so we're heading down on the 5th and probably staying until the 7th.
It's just going to suck. I'll be able to talk to him on the phone, text him, and Facebook him...but it's not the same. I know it's only 3 weeks and so many people are telling me that it's not that big of a deal...well it is when he'll be deploying in August and this AT bull crap takes a month away from us to spend time together and for TC to spend with his son. I'm just tired of people telling me the time will go by fast and that it's not that big of a deal. If only they knew. I don't wish this on anyone. It's just harder now that Grayson is here. That is what's killing me the most. I'm just glad that Grayson won't remember any of this when he's older. That's the only good thing that's coming out of the timing of all this.
TC's afraid that Grayson will be scared of him once he comes back from deployment. That and the fact that Grayson won't know who he is. I reassured him that Grayson WILL know his daddy. He'll know his voice and what he looks like every single day while he's gone. I'll make sure of that.
As much as we need the money and we'll be able to do so much once TC gets back, it just sucks so bad! It sucks not knowing exactly where he is, what he's doing, and whether or not he's ok. He won't be able to call us every day. And I try not to worry about him getting hurt or killed over there but it's hard when SO many men and women do die over there doing the simplest things like playing with kids or just walking around. The uncertainty just kills me more than anything. I know he'll be able to skype and call us every now and then and he'll be able to write us....but it's still not the same. It just hurts so bad! I try not to think about it. I try to stay positive...but my heart just hurts! He's not even gone yet and my heart is broken.
I know I'm strong. I have been through so much in my life already. But never something like this. How do you say goodbye to someone who you have fallen so much in love with, who has become your best friend and the father of your child and so much more, and who has been there for you through so much?!?! How do you say goodbye to someone and knowing that they may be the last time you see them?!? TC has promised me that he's coming home and I believe that with my whole heart...I HAVE to believe that. But just not knowing hurts so much! I can't describe this emptiness in my heart. I can't describe what I'm feeling. All I can say is that it hurts so bad!
Sometimes I just scream and ask God why! Why OUR family? Why now? Why ever? I know God is watching over us and I know He'll keep me strong and pull me through this. And I know He has put people in my life who love us and who will support us and take care of us. But it's still not going to be the same without TC here. No amount of people can soothe me enough. I know want him here. Call me selfish, I don't care. There's just so much on the line right now. TC will be missing his own birthday. He'll be missing Grayson's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthday, and so many of Grayson's first holidays. He'll be missing Grayson's first words, the first time he crawls, his first steps, his first haircut, the first time he eats cake and ice cream, and so many of Grayson's milestones.And it just sucks! Don't know how to explain it any better.
The next 3 months are just going to fly by and I don't want it to. He found out for sure that he'd be deploying the first weekend in April. That's when he found out he'd be gone for a month for AT. That seems like yesterday that he was told that. And here we are. I just want time to slow down as much as it will. I don't want this time to slip away from us.
There's skype, yes. I'll be taking too many pictures and videos to count, yes. But why does TC have to watch his son's first year through a screen or through pictures and videos?!?! It's just not fair! It's not fair at all. This feels like a nightmare. Before Grayson was born, I told myself that we'd be fine. That I could do this, no problem. I told myself that it'l be hard but that I've got this. Now that Grayson is born, I feel like I don't. I just look into his eyes and see his daddy and it just breaks my heart. I'm so thankful to have him...I just wish his daddy would be here and not have to leave. I know it's better for him to leave now while Grayson is young....but it's not better on me. I'm doubting myself that I can do this when I know I can. I just pray to God that year will fly by. I pray to God that the day he leaves us and we're in that airport that time will go before my eyes and we'll be right back at that airport picking him up in a year like we never even left that airport to begin with. I know things will be different once TC gets back. He'll be different. But I pray to God that He watches over us and makes everything ok. I know He will. I have to believe that in my heart. <3
Just pray for us. Pray hard for us please. Never did I think at 22 I'd be where I'm at now. I'm thankful I am though. Just wish certain things would be different...or at least the timing would. Todd Cowan Wallace, I love you more than anything in this world! Asides from the day our precious son was born, the day I met you and the day I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with my best friend (being YOU) was the greatest day of my life! I love you to the moon and back, baby! Pinky swear and lock it! <3
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Grayson Michael Wallace is here! :D
Our gorgeous son was born on April 23rd at 1:07 pm weighing in at 7 pounds and 4 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long! It was a long week and a very emotional one at that so here's the recap of it all:
Well first of all, let me say that I am now officially Mariah Wallace as of April 19th! We got married so last minute because TC and I knew we wouldn't have time to get married and fill out all of the paper work we need after Grayson was born and before he left for AT. So we took the plunge and went ahead and got married. We also did it for Grayson. A lot of people tell me we got married because we had a baby. Some people even make rude comments and say we HAD to get married. That's not the case. If we got married because we had a baby, we would have done it when I found out I was pregnant. TC and I love each other more than anything. We loved each other before I got pregnant. And we love each other even more because of Grayson. I don't have to explain any of that to anyone. What we have is special and just because we've only known each other a year, doesn't mean anything. We have fallen in love with each other, we support each other, and we're there for each other through thick and thin and that's how it's meant to be. But anyway, once TC gets back from his deployment, we are going to have a beautiful wedding and I can't wait! Ok back to the story:
I was supposed to be induced April 24th but after going to the doctor that Monday (April 22nd), they were scared I had pre-eclampsia due to my blood pressure being way too high and my swelling going wayyy up from my feet all the way to my knees....SO they decided to put me in the hospital that night.
Monday night, Dr. Morton started my cervidil. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a medicine to soften the cervix and speed up labor. Tuesday morning, they took it out and checked my cervix. Yeah, nothing! I was still stuck at a 1-2 dilation. Dr. Reed broke my water at 7:40 and ordered my epidural right after they did that. Contractions started VERY shortly after they broke my water and let me tell you, those damn things are no joke! But with the help of my wonderful husband and my amazing doula, I pushed through them. They gave me my epidual at 8:50. Around 12:30, they came in and told me that is was best to go ahead and give me a c-section because I wasn't dilating AT ALL, Grayson wasn't moving down far enough, and he'd get stuck coming out vaginally. TC was at our house grabbing a few things and made it back in time. He was SO nervous and was scared they were gonna go ahead without him, but I reassured him that everything was going to be ok and that they weren't going to start without him there. Him and our wonderful doula, Kayla, got all geared up in their scrubs and they wheeled me out for my c-section. TC was so wonderful during my c-section. He made sure I stayed calm through all of the pain and pressure that came along with my c-section. And our wonderful doula took so many great pictures during the whole thing.
Grayson Michael Wallace was born at 1:07 pm weighing in at 7 pounds and 4 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long. TC and I balled as we heard his first cry and as we got to meet our son for the first time. Such an emotional and exciting experience. TC wheeled Grayson out to the nursery as they were stitching me up while Kayla took TC's play and kept me calm and pushed me through the pain and pressure. After they got done stitching me up, they took me to the recovery room where shortly after Grayson joined me so I could breastfeed him for the first time. Again, such an emotional and exciting experience. TC was there to support me while Kayla again, took such amazing pictures they we're going to cherish forever!
A few hours after I got settled into my new room, we were informed that Grayson was having trouble breathing from the tube they had to put in the suction out all the fluid from his lungs which also made his poor little nose inflamed. Talk about how I cried like a baby because he wasn't able to be in the room with TC and I the entire time. That was probably the most heartbreaking thing we experienced. But we were able to go to his side and be with him and I did get to breastfeed him every 3 hours and spend as much timhe as I wanted with him.
Wednesday, I got to take a shower and peel off the bandage they had on my incision. TC was amazing and got in the shower with me and helped me. I cried so bad because I was so scared but TC again helped me push through that. Afterwards, they wanted me to try and walk some. I couldn't make it down the hall without getting winded and dizzy and without my heart raising so fast. That's when I started having tremors in my neck. It felt just like the mimicking seizures I have from my conversion disorder, but I was awake and able to hear everything going on, but couldn't move. It was like I was paralyzed. Usually with my conversion disorder when I have these episodes, I am unconscious and not aware of anything that is going on. So this was SO scary! They put me on Ativan to calm down some but then I was told I couldn't breastfeed for 24 hours after taking that medicine. As much as I needed that medicine, I was devastated that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed my precious son.
Thursday, they wanted me to walk some more and I felt the same way. They came in and told me that my hemoglobin was way too low and that I would need a blood transfusion. That and my blood pressure started to sky rocket starting on Monday. I never had a problem with my blood pressure until that Monday. Thursday night, they started my blood transfusion. I needed 3 units of blood that's how bad I lost blood. They got one unit of blood in the IV they had in me since Tuesday but when they went to go and put the 2nd unit of blood in my IV, my IV popped out. So they had to stick me again and if anyone knows my veins, yall know how hard it is for them to get one. A bunch of pokes and bruises later and after 4 people tried, they finally got an IV in my arm. And poor TC was awoken with me screaming from the pain of them poking me and rolling my veins that he just leaned over and held me.
Friday morning, I felt SO much better and was able to walk around without any problems except for the trimmers I was still having. The coloring in my face was back to normal, I wasn't getting too winded from walking, and my heart was no longer racing out of my chest. I did still have high blood pressure though.
Later that afternoon, Grayson got to FINALLY be discharged and into our room after his circumcision and after TC and I did the CPR class. We were SO happy for him to be back with us. So happy that we didn't sleep like we said we were going to lol.
I was finally discharged at around 4:30. TC was so anxious to get us home that he had all of our stuff packed up, on the cart, and ready to go for hours! We got home at 5:30. My wonderful sister-in-law was there when we got home. She had stayed all week to help TC around the house and to make sure everything was cleaned and in place for us to be home. Couldn't be more thankful for her.
Saturday night, I had to go BACK to the hospital due to my trimmers getting worse. I found out I had a UTI so they have me on some antibiotics for that. They did a cat scan to make sure I didn't have an infection from my c-section, and thank the Lord I didn't. They said the trimmers could be caused by numerous things (my blood pressure being so high, the UTI, my c-section, the fact I had to have a blood transfusion, or just the aftermath of giving birth). I went to my primary physician Wednesday and she said the same thing and just to keep an eye on it the next few weeks and if it doesn't clear up, to come back and she'll go from there. Thank you to my wonderful momma and Nanie for taking care of Grayson Saturday night while TC took me to the ER. I love yall so much!
I just want to thank my wonderful husband who was there for me every step of the way and who has been there for me since the day we met. He helped me push through my contractions, breathed with me through the pain, calmed me down when I was scared and upset, ran back and forth from the hospital to the house and back to get everything I needed/wanted from the house, ran errands for me that we needed to get done, brought me food when I didn't want hospital food, made me comfortable before he made himself comfortable, held my hand through all of the pain, supported me through every single thing, cried with me as our son was born and cried with me as I went through the unimaginable, and just did everything in his will to make sure Grayson and I were ok and happy. He is such a great daddy! Has been throughout my whole pregnancy and he's an even better one now that Grayson is here. He loves his son so much! I couldn't ask for a better man in my life!
To my wonderful doula, Kayla, who helped me through my epidural, helped me breathe through my contractions, helped me through my c-section, and definitely for taking the most amazing pictures during the whole thing! I couldn't thank you enough for everything you did, girl!
To my wonderful Momma, Nanie, Daddy, and mother-in-law for being there every step of the way calming me down through everything. To my Momma who sang me my song while I was scared and upset (and loopy as crap lol). To my daddy who held my hand through some of my contractions. To my Nanie who visited us and cooked us food once we got home. You're so wonderful and I love you! To my mother-in-law who stayed with me in the hospital while TC was running errands and while my momma and Nanie were at work. And thank you to her also for staying with me Wednesday night while TC was at work, for cooking such an amazing dinner and dessert, and for talking with me and keeping me company. To my sister-in-law for staying all week and cleaning our house and making sure everything was perfect for us to come home. You're awesome, girl! To my wonderful friends who came to see me and keep me a little distracted while Grayson was in Special Care. Sad some of you couldn't see or hold him but thank you so much for taking the time to coume to the hospital to keep me company. And last but not least, thank you to all of the doctors and nurses for taking such good care of Grayson and I while we were there.
As of right now, Grayson will be 2 weeks on Tuesday. My, how time has gone by so fast! It needs to slow down. TC leaves for AT on Friday and will be back June 4th. When he gets back, he's taking a week off of work so we can go on a mini vacation with Grayson. I'm going to miss him SO much while he's gone for nearly a month! I don't know what I'm going to do without him here, but I know Grayson and I will be fine with the help of family and friends. Thanks so much to my best friend, Gretchen, who will be staying with Grayson and I while TC is gone. I don't want Friday to come. It's going to be hard. It's going to be even harder come August when he has to deploy. As much as we need the money, I pray to God something changes. TC is the love of my life. He's my best friend! I have never felt so much love for one man in my entire life. He has my heart forever and I pray to God that he stays safe and comes home to us. I have to keep that faith. It just hurts so much! And I can't help but to cry every time I think about him leaving for a year. I don't know what I'm going to do, but like TC always says, h"we got this shit!" I just hope I can do it. I know in my heart I can. I'm just going to miss him SO much! It hurts so bad knowing that Grayson will be about 4 months old when TC leaves and he'll be 1.5 when he returns. I promised TC I will video tape everything and take more pictures to count...but it's still not going to be the same without him. It hurts. I can't express that enough. Please pray for our little family. We need it more than anything right now.
Grayson and TC are sound asleep. Both are snoring and both are in the same position lol too sticken cute! I love my boys so much! And although it's been hard and frustrating at times and no matter how much I just wanna cry with all of the emotions going through my body, I couldn't be happier right now. I am blessed beyond words. I thank God for giving me such a precious gift and for giving me the most amazing man I could have ever asked for. It's wonderful!
Well first of all, let me say that I am now officially Mariah Wallace as of April 19th! We got married so last minute because TC and I knew we wouldn't have time to get married and fill out all of the paper work we need after Grayson was born and before he left for AT. So we took the plunge and went ahead and got married. We also did it for Grayson. A lot of people tell me we got married because we had a baby. Some people even make rude comments and say we HAD to get married. That's not the case. If we got married because we had a baby, we would have done it when I found out I was pregnant. TC and I love each other more than anything. We loved each other before I got pregnant. And we love each other even more because of Grayson. I don't have to explain any of that to anyone. What we have is special and just because we've only known each other a year, doesn't mean anything. We have fallen in love with each other, we support each other, and we're there for each other through thick and thin and that's how it's meant to be. But anyway, once TC gets back from his deployment, we are going to have a beautiful wedding and I can't wait! Ok back to the story:
I was supposed to be induced April 24th but after going to the doctor that Monday (April 22nd), they were scared I had pre-eclampsia due to my blood pressure being way too high and my swelling going wayyy up from my feet all the way to my knees....SO they decided to put me in the hospital that night.
Monday night, Dr. Morton started my cervidil. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a medicine to soften the cervix and speed up labor. Tuesday morning, they took it out and checked my cervix. Yeah, nothing! I was still stuck at a 1-2 dilation. Dr. Reed broke my water at 7:40 and ordered my epidural right after they did that. Contractions started VERY shortly after they broke my water and let me tell you, those damn things are no joke! But with the help of my wonderful husband and my amazing doula, I pushed through them. They gave me my epidual at 8:50. Around 12:30, they came in and told me that is was best to go ahead and give me a c-section because I wasn't dilating AT ALL, Grayson wasn't moving down far enough, and he'd get stuck coming out vaginally. TC was at our house grabbing a few things and made it back in time. He was SO nervous and was scared they were gonna go ahead without him, but I reassured him that everything was going to be ok and that they weren't going to start without him there. Him and our wonderful doula, Kayla, got all geared up in their scrubs and they wheeled me out for my c-section. TC was so wonderful during my c-section. He made sure I stayed calm through all of the pain and pressure that came along with my c-section. And our wonderful doula took so many great pictures during the whole thing.
Grayson Michael Wallace was born at 1:07 pm weighing in at 7 pounds and 4 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long. TC and I balled as we heard his first cry and as we got to meet our son for the first time. Such an emotional and exciting experience. TC wheeled Grayson out to the nursery as they were stitching me up while Kayla took TC's play and kept me calm and pushed me through the pain and pressure. After they got done stitching me up, they took me to the recovery room where shortly after Grayson joined me so I could breastfeed him for the first time. Again, such an emotional and exciting experience. TC was there to support me while Kayla again, took such amazing pictures they we're going to cherish forever!
A few hours after I got settled into my new room, we were informed that Grayson was having trouble breathing from the tube they had to put in the suction out all the fluid from his lungs which also made his poor little nose inflamed. Talk about how I cried like a baby because he wasn't able to be in the room with TC and I the entire time. That was probably the most heartbreaking thing we experienced. But we were able to go to his side and be with him and I did get to breastfeed him every 3 hours and spend as much timhe as I wanted with him.
Wednesday, I got to take a shower and peel off the bandage they had on my incision. TC was amazing and got in the shower with me and helped me. I cried so bad because I was so scared but TC again helped me push through that. Afterwards, they wanted me to try and walk some. I couldn't make it down the hall without getting winded and dizzy and without my heart raising so fast. That's when I started having tremors in my neck. It felt just like the mimicking seizures I have from my conversion disorder, but I was awake and able to hear everything going on, but couldn't move. It was like I was paralyzed. Usually with my conversion disorder when I have these episodes, I am unconscious and not aware of anything that is going on. So this was SO scary! They put me on Ativan to calm down some but then I was told I couldn't breastfeed for 24 hours after taking that medicine. As much as I needed that medicine, I was devastated that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed my precious son.
Thursday, they wanted me to walk some more and I felt the same way. They came in and told me that my hemoglobin was way too low and that I would need a blood transfusion. That and my blood pressure started to sky rocket starting on Monday. I never had a problem with my blood pressure until that Monday. Thursday night, they started my blood transfusion. I needed 3 units of blood that's how bad I lost blood. They got one unit of blood in the IV they had in me since Tuesday but when they went to go and put the 2nd unit of blood in my IV, my IV popped out. So they had to stick me again and if anyone knows my veins, yall know how hard it is for them to get one. A bunch of pokes and bruises later and after 4 people tried, they finally got an IV in my arm. And poor TC was awoken with me screaming from the pain of them poking me and rolling my veins that he just leaned over and held me.
Friday morning, I felt SO much better and was able to walk around without any problems except for the trimmers I was still having. The coloring in my face was back to normal, I wasn't getting too winded from walking, and my heart was no longer racing out of my chest. I did still have high blood pressure though.
Later that afternoon, Grayson got to FINALLY be discharged and into our room after his circumcision and after TC and I did the CPR class. We were SO happy for him to be back with us. So happy that we didn't sleep like we said we were going to lol.
I was finally discharged at around 4:30. TC was so anxious to get us home that he had all of our stuff packed up, on the cart, and ready to go for hours! We got home at 5:30. My wonderful sister-in-law was there when we got home. She had stayed all week to help TC around the house and to make sure everything was cleaned and in place for us to be home. Couldn't be more thankful for her.
Saturday night, I had to go BACK to the hospital due to my trimmers getting worse. I found out I had a UTI so they have me on some antibiotics for that. They did a cat scan to make sure I didn't have an infection from my c-section, and thank the Lord I didn't. They said the trimmers could be caused by numerous things (my blood pressure being so high, the UTI, my c-section, the fact I had to have a blood transfusion, or just the aftermath of giving birth). I went to my primary physician Wednesday and she said the same thing and just to keep an eye on it the next few weeks and if it doesn't clear up, to come back and she'll go from there. Thank you to my wonderful momma and Nanie for taking care of Grayson Saturday night while TC took me to the ER. I love yall so much!
I just want to thank my wonderful husband who was there for me every step of the way and who has been there for me since the day we met. He helped me push through my contractions, breathed with me through the pain, calmed me down when I was scared and upset, ran back and forth from the hospital to the house and back to get everything I needed/wanted from the house, ran errands for me that we needed to get done, brought me food when I didn't want hospital food, made me comfortable before he made himself comfortable, held my hand through all of the pain, supported me through every single thing, cried with me as our son was born and cried with me as I went through the unimaginable, and just did everything in his will to make sure Grayson and I were ok and happy. He is such a great daddy! Has been throughout my whole pregnancy and he's an even better one now that Grayson is here. He loves his son so much! I couldn't ask for a better man in my life!
To my wonderful doula, Kayla, who helped me through my epidural, helped me breathe through my contractions, helped me through my c-section, and definitely for taking the most amazing pictures during the whole thing! I couldn't thank you enough for everything you did, girl!
To my wonderful Momma, Nanie, Daddy, and mother-in-law for being there every step of the way calming me down through everything. To my Momma who sang me my song while I was scared and upset (and loopy as crap lol). To my daddy who held my hand through some of my contractions. To my Nanie who visited us and cooked us food once we got home. You're so wonderful and I love you! To my mother-in-law who stayed with me in the hospital while TC was running errands and while my momma and Nanie were at work. And thank you to her also for staying with me Wednesday night while TC was at work, for cooking such an amazing dinner and dessert, and for talking with me and keeping me company. To my sister-in-law for staying all week and cleaning our house and making sure everything was perfect for us to come home. You're awesome, girl! To my wonderful friends who came to see me and keep me a little distracted while Grayson was in Special Care. Sad some of you couldn't see or hold him but thank you so much for taking the time to coume to the hospital to keep me company. And last but not least, thank you to all of the doctors and nurses for taking such good care of Grayson and I while we were there.
As of right now, Grayson will be 2 weeks on Tuesday. My, how time has gone by so fast! It needs to slow down. TC leaves for AT on Friday and will be back June 4th. When he gets back, he's taking a week off of work so we can go on a mini vacation with Grayson. I'm going to miss him SO much while he's gone for nearly a month! I don't know what I'm going to do without him here, but I know Grayson and I will be fine with the help of family and friends. Thanks so much to my best friend, Gretchen, who will be staying with Grayson and I while TC is gone. I don't want Friday to come. It's going to be hard. It's going to be even harder come August when he has to deploy. As much as we need the money, I pray to God something changes. TC is the love of my life. He's my best friend! I have never felt so much love for one man in my entire life. He has my heart forever and I pray to God that he stays safe and comes home to us. I have to keep that faith. It just hurts so much! And I can't help but to cry every time I think about him leaving for a year. I don't know what I'm going to do, but like TC always says, h"we got this shit!" I just hope I can do it. I know in my heart I can. I'm just going to miss him SO much! It hurts so bad knowing that Grayson will be about 4 months old when TC leaves and he'll be 1.5 when he returns. I promised TC I will video tape everything and take more pictures to count...but it's still not going to be the same without him. It hurts. I can't express that enough. Please pray for our little family. We need it more than anything right now.
Grayson and TC are sound asleep. Both are snoring and both are in the same position lol too sticken cute! I love my boys so much! And although it's been hard and frustrating at times and no matter how much I just wanna cry with all of the emotions going through my body, I couldn't be happier right now. I am blessed beyond words. I thank God for giving me such a precious gift and for giving me the most amazing man I could have ever asked for. It's wonderful!
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