I praise You in this storm! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Lord, I haven't spoken to You fully in a while and for that, I am sorry. You know how heavy my heart  is tonight. You know the events that happened this morning in Connecticut. You know what was in those boys' hearts when they planned to commit such an evil act that they did this morning. You knew all of this before it even ever happened. I haven't been able to get this off of my mind and I haven't been able to have a dry face all day. How someone could do this horrible act, I have no idea. Lord, lift these families up in Your arms, give them strength, and help them understand that You are with them. Lord, I know you have lost a lot of fans today because a lot of people just couldn't fathom the thought of how You could let this happen. I know I can't...but I trust in You Lord. Even though it's hard to trust in anything right now, I trust in You and only You. I don't understand how You could let something like this happen and to be honest, I'm angry and hurt and frustrated and confused. You know my feelings about this and You allow me to be angry and hurt and frustrated and confused and any other emotion I'm feeling right now. You don't hold that against me as long as I trust in You. And Lord, I do. I do trust in You with all of my heart and more. You haven't lost me. I know You do things for a reason even if I don't understand that reason and even if that reason just isn't fair at all. We will never know the reason behind anything You do until we meet You and until we are with those people we love and care about who have gone before us and who are with You right now looking down on us. I praise You in this storm, Lord. I hear You say, "I am with you" even through the rain and even through the loudness of the thunder and lightening. I praise You in this storm.

Keep those angels safe who went to be with You today, Lord. Watch over their families, help them, lift them up for they have fallen down, give them strength through all of this, heal their hearts Lord, and wash away this madness in this world. I know those families will never forget this pain. I know their hearts will never fully heal until they see their babies again. Just help them. Help them through Christmas, Lord. God, this hurts so bad! These poor parents won't be able to watch their babies open their Christmas presents this year. They won't witness the faces on their childrens' faces when they open each present. Instead of wrapping their childrens' presents, they're having to "wrap" they're children. They're having to say goodbye to their precious children that they have watched grow up. Lord, just take this away. This feels like a nightmare. I couldn't imagine going through this and I pray that I never have to as long as I live. Lord, ease my angry heart. Ease these emotions and these horrible feelings I am holding against these boys that have commited this horrible act, one of which who's still on this earth.

I count my blessings extra good tonight. I am terrified of bringing my son into this cruel world. God didn't make His people this way. I know He didn't. I believe with my whole heart that He didn't. I pray I raise my son right. I pray that Grayson never has to endure any kind of pain like this. I know I can't shelter him forever and I can't hide him from everything...but I want to so badly. I don't want him growing up in a world of hate and cruelty. When I was a kid, I don't recall things like this happeneing as much as they do now. What has this world come to?

Grayson, I love you sweet boy! I love you with all of my heart and more. I haven't even met you yet and I love you. I've never loved someone so much in my life. Lord, thank You for what I have. Thank You for the people in my life. Thank You for letting me experience motherhood. And thank You for not letting me or my family be part of a tragedy like this. I pray we never have to either. Lord, help me become a good mother. I know in my heart I will be because I have You in my heart to guide me. I have been raised right thanks to You. Let me do the same with Grayson and any other children You bless me with. ♥

"And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand. You never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm. I remember when I stumbled in the wind. You heard my cry to You and You raised me up again. My strenth is almost gone, how can I carry on if I can't find You? But as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 'I am with you.' And as Your mercry falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  for the 26 people who were killed today at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, 20 of which were young children. God bless everyone who has been affected by this horrible tragedy. Everyone, hold your kids a little tighter tonight and don't take one minute for granted with them because you never know when it'll be your last. 

Busy Bee

The past week has been CRAZY! First the tummy flu hit HARD in this household! My poor niece got it from her grandpa then gave it to Amber and Jon-Ryan. Dakota brought it home from school so my mom got it, I got it, then Dakota RE-got it, Dan got it, and then TC got it. Dakota is STILL getting it. He'll go to school and then miss school. It's crazy! But thankfully it has subsided. I had to go to the ER because of it to get fluids and medicine. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water! Oh, I felt AWFUL! Thank the Lord it was only a 24 hour thing because I don't think I could have survived another day of it.

I have been so busy with photoshoots and family events. I had a photoshoot with cute, little Liam and his Mommy and Daddy on Friday. Saturday, we had the Harmon Family Christmas reunion. We had so much fun with lots of family, food, 4 wheeling, and hay rides. Of course, I didn't get on the 4 wheeler (those boys drive like maniacs), but I really enjoyed seeing all of them riding it (even DAKOTA got to drive! THAT was a scary sight to see lol). We had a lot of fun! That afternoon, TC, his brother Ian, his nephew Dillon, and I went up to York to have Christmas with their dad, stepmom, sisters, and brother-in-law. I had so much fun spending some more time with them and getting to know them more. That was the 3rd time I've visited them and they've made me feel like family every single time :)

Sunday, was bonkers! I had 3, count em, 3 photoshoots back to back. 2 of those were combined photoshoots for 1 family. It wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be though but still very busy. I had a ton of fun with both families.

For the past 2 days, I have done non-stop editing. TC and I even went to IHOP last night to get out of the house and get some work done. It felt pretty good to get so much accomplished without any distractions.

Here are some pictures of this weekend's events :)

It's not a HAPPY party in my tummy!

I swear I have gotten SO HUGE in the last couple of weeks! I'm starting feel Grayson kick and move around. He really kicks when we put the heart beat monitor on him and ESPECIALLY when I take a bath! I'll pour water on my tummy and he LOVES it! So hopefully he'll like bath time when he arrives.

Grayson is DEFINITELY spoiled already! A few nights ago, I was having a really hard time breathing. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. My mom said, "there IS someone sitting on your chest. It's called Grayson." So I laid down, stretched out, go on my back, then both of my sides, out my arms over my head, did EVERYTHING to get comfortable where I could breathe again. I finally got in the bath tub and IMMEDIATELY I was able to breathe properly. It was bath time and I didn't realize it so Grayson made SURE I knew that it was bath time! lol! I swear he's spoiled rotten!

Last night was HORRIBLE though! My brother has had the stomach flu since early Sunday morning and FINALLY went back to school today and feels better. Well, I KNEW I was gonna get it so I left the house for the day to HOPEFULLY not catch it. Well, well and behold, I got it last night around 7ish after TC and I got back from the grocery store. After hours of throwing up, TC called my OB to ask her what we needed to do since I couldn't keep water down. She told him to take me to urgent care to get some fluids in me and to possibly get a flu shot. Urgent care was closed so he took me to the ER. I had gone to the bathroom and I was spotting and cramping really bad so that scared me. They took me up to labor and delivery. My nurse, Rene, took really good care of me, got fluids in me,   gave me some meds, and made sure Grayson was alright. He was perfectly fine. He kicked the crap outta the machines the whole time and ran away from Rene. I was cramping and bleeding from the strain of throwing up and dry heaving. She gave me some meds and they helped a little, but then I got really bad heart burn so that made me feel even more nauseous. She gave me some heart burn medicine, but they didn't help at all! Dr. Jones sent me some ginger ale and saltines and told me that I could go home if I could keep those down. That was really hard because I HATE ginger ale! It gives me heart burn so it didn't help when I ALREADY had heart burn. I was able to go home at 4. We get home, I lay down, and IMMEDIATELY I puked up the ginger ale, crackers, and water. I was also throwing up some blood but that was from where my throat had torn from throwing up and coughing so bad. 

I feel a WHOLE lot better today even though I still feel a little nauseous, but I've been able to keep down water and some strawberries. I am STARVING but they told me to try and eat 3 meals with snacks in between but not to over do it. So HOPEFULLY I'll be able to eat today.

Grayson is finally moving and it feels so weird but so amazing at the same time! It feels like a little roller coaster ride like the Dragon ride at the fair lol. He absolutely loves bath time. I see a foot or something pop up on my tummy every time I pour water over my tummy. It's incredible! TC will sit in the bathroom with me and watch him move and I swear the man's jealous that he can only see it and not feel it like I can. lol! 

I absolutely love my son! And so does Daddy! We can't wait until he's here! It's going by so fast and it needs to slow down so we can get everything ready but I'm ready to meet Grayson, hold him, and take care of him. It's a scary thought, but we're ready. I love you Grayson Michael Wallace! <3

Party Party In My Tummy!

Keeping this post short and sweet. I have officially been able to feel Grayson actively move and kick. I felt the flutters and little tummy drops but THIS has NO comparision to that! It feels amazing! Grayson loves bath time! He kicks and swims around every time I pour water on my tummy and then he becomes very calm and relaxed. I'll always remember this feeling. I'm so blessed to have a healthy baby boy growing inside of me and being able to feel him every day (even if he kicks the crap outta me sometimes and it hurts so bad! lol). Grayson Michael, Mommy loves you!

IT'S A.....!

We found out today what our little peanut is! But before I announce what it is, I have to tell you all about this morning! :)

My mom took me to my doctor's appointment since TC had to work. Got back there to do the ultrasound and told the ultrasound technician that I wanted her to put the gender in an envelope. The baby is perfectly healthy. I had to turn my head when they did the view between the baby's legs and right when I did that, my mom gasped really loud! lol I asked her, "is his pee pee THAT big?" Of course I didn't know what the gender as at the time, but I believe TC had one this and that we were gonna have a stinky, yucky boy! lol

Little peanut fist pumping! <3

I had to wait ALLLLL day to find out what the baby was. I met up with Gretchen to give her the envelope and the gender reveal box. She then filled the box with either pink or blue balloons. TC got off of work and we met up with Gretchen in our favorite field to take pictures of us opening the box. And THIS is what the results were:

IT'S A BOY!!!

Yeah, he's CLEARLY a boy! lol! Gretchen handed us the envelope that had the gender reveal ultrasound pictures in it and both mine and TC's eyes got HUGE because this baby is CLEARLY a boy! No doubt about that! ha!

His name will be Grayson Michael Wallace and we love him so much! 

Of course, we went shopping to get a couple of things for Grayson, we were so excited! Even though I REALLY wanted a girl, I'm so happy I'll have 2 amazing boys in my life, Grayson and his daddy :)

That, and I'll have my little man to protect me and be mommy's little boy. :)

One More Day! :D

Just one more GLORIOUS day until we find out whether we're having a little boy or a little girl! My momma's taking me to the doctor in the morning at 9 since TC has to go to work. I'm going to get the ultrasound technician to write on a piece of paper if it's a girl or boy and then put that in an envelope. I'm then going to hand that envelope to my momma so it DOESN'T taunt me all day to peek at it! Lol! I have to wait until after 3 to find out myself because that's when TC gets off of work and when my best friend, Gretchen, will be able to do our pictures. I'm gonna pick up the envelope from my momma, give it to Gretchen along with the decorated coardboard box, Gretchen's going to go somewhere and get a bunch of balloons blown up (either blue or pink), she's going to fill the box with the balloons, and take pictures of TC and I opening the box to reveal what the gender of our baby is. AHHH! I can't wait!! I'm so excited! :D

As of now, I'm waiting on a lady to respond to my PM and hopefully do her photoshoot soon. If not, I'm gonna take a little bit of nap. Then I'm gonna head on over to my friend Rachael's house to do her and her husband's Christmas pictures with their doggie and turtle :D

Hope everyone has a great day! :D

Day 23, 24, and 25 :)

Day 23: I am thankful for my pastor, Pastor Dan! I just got a birthday card from him and his words really made me feel so much better about this week. I absolutely love my church and the people who are a part of it ♥

Day 24: I am thankful for a lot today! First and foremost, I am thankful for the good Lord who created me with the help of my momma and daddy. Secondly, I am thankful for my mother who, 22 years ago today, gave birth to my short self! Although I wasn't a stubborn booger when I was born and I came right out, she still worked hard to get me here. Momma, thank you for giving me the gift of life and putting up with me for 22 years! Thirdly, I am thankful for all of my family and friends who have wished me a happy birthday! Yall are awesome and I love yall so much! And finally, I am thankful for my sweet boyfriend who has made this day so special for me. He has SO FAR taken the time to take me to my favorite restaurant (Olive Garden), took me to Buy Buy Baby to register and gauk over all the cute baby outfits, and has gotten us a hotel room so we can just escape and have peace and quiet for a night while watching the Carolina/Clemson game (which him and I are in a battle about! He goes for yucky Clemson and I, of course, love me some Gamecocks! Lets go boys!) I am blessed ♥

Day 25: I am thankful to be a gamecock today. But I am more thankful to have such a sweet boyfriend who made my birthday so special! I fall in love with him more and more each day and couldn't have asked for a better man to have as, not only my boyfriend, but the father of our child. He treats me like I'm the only girl in this world. I love how he just stares at me, brushes my hair back, kisses me, tells me just how lucky he is to have me, and tells me how beautiful I am. I am blessed beyond words! Todd Cowan Wallace, I love you so much baby! You are going to be such a great daddy and I know this because you already are! Thank you for always being here for me no matter what. I have no idea what I'd do without you! <3

Day 22: Happy Turkey Day!

Day 22: I am thankful for my family. Although they are the loudest family I know, they drive me nuts, and they make me wanna pull my hair out at times...I love them all the same! They support me 100%, make me laugh until I cry, are always there when I need them, never judge me or put me down, and love me unconditionally. That goes to my my family that I've always had, the family I've grown into, and the new family who has accepted me as their own :)

Not only am I thankful for my amazing family, I am also thankful for this funny story: 22 years ago, my mom sat at the Thanksgiving table at my Mawmaw and Pawpaw's house. My Uncle Rob flipped shiz because my mom was pregnant with me and was 5 days PAST her due date! Little did they know, I wasn't going to be born on this day 22 years ago, but instead I was born 2 days later at 10:20 am. My daddy pretty much MADE me come out because the Ohio Buckeyes were playing that day at noon and he COULDN'T miss it! I came just in time so HE wouldn't flip shiz. The Buckeyes lost, of course. I guess that's what my daddy gets for rushing me lol! The Buckeyes play this Saturday for the first time on my birthday since I was born. Lets pray they win since they didn't when I was born. Lol I love you, Daddy! I miss you and can't wait until you're here next week ♥

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Hope you gobble til you wobble :D

Tuesday = The New Monday

You know how they say Mondays might as well go to the shitter? Well, yesterday, was my Monday! We couldn't find out if we are having a boy or girl which made me upset. But the fact we didn't find out wasn't the reason it was a bad day. I was told my last visit that I would get a 16 week ultrasound my next visit...and I didn't. Dr. Jones just listened to the heart beat, asked me how I was doing, and that was it. I found the appointment a little pointless when she had just checked that stuff a week and a half prior to this appointment when I had to go to the ER for possible contractions. I was taken to the labor and delivery floor, was checked out, was fine, was told to call Dr. Jones that following Monday, and I was sent home. So nonetheless, I thought this appointment was pointless ALTHOUGH we did get to hear out little peanut's heart beat.

The ladies at the checkout then told me they usually don't do an ultrasound at the 16 week appointment. That's not what they told me last visit. They even checked "ultrasound" on my appointment card. So I was more upset at the fact we couldn't even see our baby than not finding out whether it's a boy or girl. I can wait for that. Then of course, I sat at the checkout counter longer than I sat at my appointment which was a load of horse crap. My Medicaid had gone through but it wouldn't cover my first 2 appointments that I had which was another load of horse crap because I was told it was going to cover all maternity even my first 2 appointments although I wasn't on Medicaid at that time. It was just frustrating.

We then had to go to the Medicaid office and ask them what I needed to do about income since the sheet said I needed proof of income from September 1st to October 31st through Lizard's Thicket...when my last paycheck there was August 18th. They told us I needed to go to Lizard's Thicket and get proof that I no longer worked there which I find ridiculous when Medicaid could look up that I worked there and had been getting paid from them but couldn't look up that I was no longer working there or getting paid through them. Flippin stupid! OR that I could just go apply for unemployment. We went to Lizard's Thicket and of course, that didn't go well because of course they could care less! But that's ok, I left there because of harassment and no one did anything about that so I'll make sure I tell corporate that when I have to go up there and get proof that I no longer work for them because I KNOW I'll have to eventually get them to let Medicaid know I no longer work there ALTHOUGH I applied for unemployment. It surprisingly didn't take long for me to apply for unemployment though.

So after I applied for unemployment, I went BACK to the Medicaid office and sat there while a bunch of idiots gathered around the counter to ask questions all at once when they're too blind to read  all FOUR signs hanging up that says, "please sign in, flip your sheet upside down, and someone will get to you ASAP." Of course they didn't wanna do that because they all think they're problems or more important than others. Urghh! Pisses me off! So we sat there and waited for someone to take us to the back so I can log-in into the unemployment website to prove to them that I don't work! Good Lord! A snooty woman wanted to cock an attitude with me when I was correcting my name for her. My name isn't Maria Simmons, lady! It's Mariah Simons! Sound it out if you have to, it's not THAT hard! So instead of us going back there like we were supposed to, she just scanned everything so I swear on the life of french toast that come December 14 when the deadline is due to turn in all that info that she scanned and they didn't get it and take me off of Medicaid, I'm gonna go in and raise hell! So stupid!

Then of course, I pick Dakota up from school and take him to Physical Therapy and he was a demon child from hell! I won't even get into that one! Urghh! Then we come home and my phone AND my laptop decide not to work. Not to mention that everyone wants to bring me down about finding out whether or not my child is a boy or girl. So I just threw everything, said, "screw this!", and just buried myself into the covers and hid the rest of the night. Didn't want anyone to talk to me or touch me. Not even TC. I was kinda glad my phone was messed up so I wouldn't have blown up at everyone who was blowing up my phone.

So nonetheless, I had a shitty day! And everyone can say it's because I didn't find out what my child was and call me a brat or even say it's my pregnancy hormones...but none of that was the reason I had a bad day! It was the fact that I had to run around like a chicken that got its head cut off JUST to prove that I don't work! That, and dealing with stupid ass people all day who think I need to stop my life for them! Umm no no no, that's not how it works sorry! Urghh!

BUT! I feel so much better today! Lol! And I feel A LOT better now that I got all of that off my chest! Lol...now I'm watching Toy Story with Dakota and doing some work. Hope everyone has a great day and Happy early Turkey Day! :)

Day 19, 20, and 21 :)

Day 19: I'm thankful for my cousin, Tobi. She lives pretty far away now but I love when she comes down where I can spend some time with her and catch up. Love ya, girl! :)

Day 20: Even though I had the worst day of all, I'm thankful that I got to hear my baby's heartbeat and feel a kick. He/she kicked the crap outta my tummy while Dr. Jones was trying to get him/her to sit still long enough to hear its heartbeat. She said the baby didn't like her pushing on its home lol. Little stinker!


Day 21: I'm thankful for my cousin, Christopher. He always cracks me up and REALLY made me laugh this morning when he called me. "You know what she needs to do? She just needs to fart and let that shit out!" LMAO! Love you, Kick-A-Fur! So sad I won't be able to see you and everyone else this weekend but we'll be up there before you know it :)

Day 18 :)

Day 18: I'm thankful for days where I can just relax with my baby, where I can take a long warm bath, where I can be lazy all day, and where I don't have to worry about a thing for one day :)

I had such a great day with my baby today! We got to finally use our zoo tickets that we got from one of my amazing clients, Valerie. We had lots of fun walking around looking at the animals. We even got to feed a giraffe! He was too sweet! While at the zoo waiting on the tram at the gardens, TC handed me a penny to make a wish in the fountain while he pulled a penny out of his pocket for himself. I told him, "you know what I'm gonna wish for right?" And he said, "yup! And you know what I'm gonna wish for right?" lol I wished that we'd find out that we're having a baby girl and he wished that we'd find out that we're having a baby boy. We got tired of waiting on the tram so we walked instead, and I'm glad we did because we found TC's grandparents' stone on the bridge :)

After the zoo, we went to Lizard's Thicket for dinner and I got to see some of my girls (Caitlin, Anna, and Jessie) :) TC got his usual hamburger with a salad and mac and cheese. I got chicken fingers with mac and cheese, beets, and carrot and raisin salad. Of course the baby didn't agree wth those chicken fingers. I swear the baby is going to be a vegetarian when it's old enough to actually eat meat because it HATES when I eat meant, doesn't matter what kind lol.

While TC and I sat at Lizard's Thicket and waited on our dinner, we talked about the first time I met him when I worked there like we always do when we eat there. We talked about how he came in and ate there (keep in mind this was before we actually met in person. I had never seen him face to face so I didn't know that was him.) Well he sat right where I could see him but he had his back towards me. He kept turning around and Alana said, "why does that guy keep turning around and staring at you?" I said, "I have no idea but he looks familar." (I had seen his FB picture so I knew what he semi looked like lol). He then came up to the cash register, I did my regular thing and rung him up for his food, told him to have a great night, and he was on his merrily way. He then texted me and said, "I was just in Lizard's Thicket. You were the one who rung me up." I was like, "nuh uh!" lol He then sat in the parking lot and waited on me all night to get off. I love talking about that every time TC and I go and eat there...but tonight was different. After that he says, "you wanna know what I needed to sit down and talk to you about today?" and I said, "uhhh YEAH!" And he said, "when I first met you and we started dating, I thought this relationship was going to be just like all the other ones I've had where we'd date a little while and then slowly, we'd just go our separate ways and I'd just do my own thing like I'm used to. And even when we found out we were pregnant, I thought the same thing...but I can honestly say this relationship is different. Every morning I wake up and see you sleeping beside me, I tell myself just how beautiful my girlfriend is. I am the happiest I have ever been when I wake up with you by my side. You make me so happy!" OMG I ABOUT CRIED!! God, I love my man! I'm so glad I found such an amazing man to be with and thank God for him every day! He's so special to me and treats me like no other man has ever treated me! <3

I'm about to get off of here so I can cuddle with my man and watch 17 Again :)
2 more days until we HOPEFULLY find out what we're having. Pray to God it's a girl! :)

3 more days until we get to fnd out if our little wiggle worm is a boy or a girl...HOPEFULLY! I pray that my child doesn't try and hide from the ultrasound tech lady like it always does (little stinker!).

TC and I have already gotten our Baby's R Us registry done. All we have to do with that is delete all the yucky boy stuff when we find out this baby is a girl ;) We're going to register at Buy Buy Baby and Target also and hopefully get that done on Tuesday after our doctor's appointment if our child will let us know what its gender is :)

If we find out on Tuesday, we're going to get the ultrasound tech to put whether it's a girl or boy in an envelope. Then, we're going to meet up with my best friend, Gretchen, and give her the envelope. She's then going to fill a box with either pink balloons for a girl or blue balloons for a boy. We'll all then go to the field that I found last week and Gretchen's gonna take pictures of us opening the box and we're going to get some more maternity pictures. AHHH! I'm so stoked! I just hope my child isn't stubborn like it has been and show us what he/she is. So we're just waiting on him/her :)

Lately, I've been able to know exactly where the baby is in my belly. I can't quite feel him/her kick yet, but I can feel him/her move with my hands if I press on my belly. It likes to play pin ball on my hips as I call it lol. Little stinker! Then he/she sleeps right in the middle in my belly button area lol now THAT'S uncomfortable! TC likes to do raspberries on my belly wherever the baby is laying and the baby does NOT like that! haha! Every time TC rubs my belly though, I get the biggest flutters. The baby never does that when anyone else but him does it. I love it!

As of now, I'm watching Ice Age 2, cuddling with my kitty, doing a little work, and waiting on TC to get home from work. Too bad he just left about 30 minutes ago :(

Also, thank you to TC's mom for buying us barbeque meals from a benefit today. Love you, Ms. Sally!

Day 15, 16 and 17 :)

Day 15: I am thankful for my Nanie. She has always been there for me, Amber, and Dakota. She supports us in everything we do, listens to our problems, gives us advice, and loves us unconditionally. She gives into my “one more thing” thing (even though I don’t do that anymore lol), she helps us when we need something, and is just an all around AMAZING grandma! I wouldn’t trade her for the world! Plus she buys me pickles ;D I love you, Nanie! ♥

Day 16: I'm thankful for my best friend, Gretchen, and being able to spend all day with her today. She supports me in everything I do and every decision I make, she makes me laugh when I'm down and even when I'm not, she's there for me whenever I need her, she always makes time to talk if I need to, she gives me the greatest advice, she never judges me or puts me down for what I believe in or how I live my life, she's just an all around amazing best friend! I can't wait for her to take pictures while I go into labor and once mine and TC's baby is born. She's going to be such a great god mommy! Gretchen, thank you for being such a great best friend and still being my best friend to this day even after I got pregnant. Love you, girl! ♥

Day 17: I am thankful for my wonderful clients and to have such a wonderful job as a photographer! I love each and every one of my clients and I love seeing their kids grow! So blessed that they choose me to capture moments for them where they're able to be in the pictures with their families instead of behind the lens all the time. I absolutely LOVE my job, the photos I take, and the people I work with!  <3

Day 14 :)

Day 14: I am thankful for a lot of things today. I am thankful that I got the chance to go up to Clemson to see my stepmomma and catch up with her for a bit. It had been way too long since we’ve seen each other or talked to each other for hours, and I really enjoyed today. I am thankful that I had enough money to drive up there and back. I am thankful that my momma let me use her car today. I am thankful that I got to Tae’s house safe and got back home safe with only minor problems (like getting lost, stupid traffic, and bozos who don’t know how to drive lol). I am thankful that I came home to man hugging and kissing me like I was gone forever lol. And I am thankful that God watched over me and my unborn child while I was on the road today. I am blessed< 3

 

I am even more thankful

Day 9: I am thankful to have a healthy and strong baby. Cora-Leigh or Graylon, even if you give Mommy and Daddy scares and make Mommy cry when you hide from the ultrasound tech (lol), we love you all the same! You're already a stubborn mess lol. I can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I can't wait to hold you, feed you, take care of you, watch you grow, and be your Mommy. Mommy and Daddy love you oh so very much! ♥

Day 10: I am thankful for my girlfriends. They make me laugh when I’m sad, they cheer me up when I’m down, they give me the best advice, they never judge me, and they’re always there for me when I need them. My child is going to have the best “aunties” ever! (Gretchen, Jessie, Erin, Alana, and Rachael) :)

Day 11: I am thankful for my boyfriend, my step-brother, my step-sister, and all the men and women who serve and who have served our country. Freedom isn't free without these guys! Also to the men and women who have lost their lives for us to have the freedom we have. JD Meador, you and your family are always in mu prayers! Your wife, Christy, has been like a sister to me and your daughter, Elana, just makes my heart smile! Please pray for all the soldiers who have fought for you, who have died for you, and who are still out there fighting for you! I love you guys and I love you baby!

Day 12: I am thankful for my sister and our long conversations that we have whether it be in person or over the phone. We talked for a good hour today and I love talking to her! She gives me the best advice (especially mommy advice). We both agree on most things in life and I absolutely love her! She's such a good mommy and I love that little girl of hers with all of my heart! Amber, thank you for always being there for me. I know we weren't all that close when we were little (shoot, we were mean to each other back then...mean probably doesn't even cover it lol), but you've always been there for me if I ever needed you and you still are. Thank you for always being honest with me, always having a shoulder for me to lean on, and for always loving me for me. You are not only my sister but my best friend and I love you so much! Can't wait for our babies to grow up together ♥

 

 

Day 13: I have thankful for my grandpa! He is one of the hardest working men I know! Even with diabetes and a history of heart problems, he still goes on. He works from sun up to sun down with his plant business. I couldn’t be more blessed with another grandpa like him. He means so much to me! He’s an awesome grandpa and an even more awesome GREAT grandpa! I love you, Gran! ♥

 

 

My child is trying to be a scary monster lol

Day 9: I am thankful to have a healthy and strong baby. Cora-Leigh or Graylon, even if you give Mommy and Daddy scares and make Mommy cry when you hide from the ultrasound tech (lol), we love you all the same! You're already a stubborn mess lol. I can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I can't wait to hold you, feed you, take care of you, watch you grow, and be your Mommy. Mommy and Daddy love you oh so very much! ♥

Day 10: I am thankful for my girlfriends. They make me laugh when I’m sad, they cheer me up when I’m down, they give me the best advice, they never judge me, and they’re always there for me when I need them. My child is going to have the best “aunties” ever! (Gretchen, Jessie, Erin, Alana, and Rachael).

Last night was pretty scary. After an hour of pain, I had to go to the ER with possible contractions. They immediately took me to the labor and delivery floor and monitored me. It took them 10 minutes to try and find a heart beat which was the longest and scariest 10 minutes OF MY LIFE! They couldn't find one so of course tears just filled my eyes. They finally found it. My child kept moving away from the nurse. Little stubborn thing! It does that with Mommy too but never with Daddy! I'll be rubbing lotion on my tummy and I can feel him/her moving from side to side and being all like, "SWIM AWAY! SWIM AWAY!" lol But everything is fine with both baby and Mommy. I was just having false contractions and normal pains that come with pregnancy. Thank the Lord!! TC seriously freaked out and booked it to the hospital! Lord, please help the poor man when I actually go into labor! I told him, "what are you going to do when they tell us, 'yall will be having a baby tonight?'" He said, "I'm gonna freak the hell out, THAT'S what I'm gonna do! LMAO! This shall be interesting!

I'm so sleepy all the time now so I shall go eat my pickled flavored chips and go to sleep with my man <3

I am thankful

Day 1: I am thankful for my loving and sweet boyfriend who supports me 110% in everything I do, who is sweet and caring, who busts his bootie to work 2 jobs so we can get ready for this baby and everything that comes along with that, and who is going to be the best daddy ever!

 

 

Day 2: I am thankful that God gives me the opportunity to do things and to have things every day because I know not a lot of people are able to do the things I do or have the things I have. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful boyfriend, some amazing friends, God brought me the most amazing talent and gift of photography, He is letting me experience motherhood, He woke me up today and is letting me live another day, I have a roof over my head, food in my cabinets, running water, heat to warm me up and air to cool me off, clothes on my body, a working car, I am able to do things on my own like feed myself and clothe myself, I am able to see and talk and hear and walk, and so much more! And I am thankful for that and so much more! ♥

 

Day 3: I'm thankful for my niece, Elizabeth, who makes me smile every time I see her face! She's growing way too fast and learning so much! She keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh so hard with all the faces she makes and all the noises and words she says. She may be a sassy little thing already but I wouldn't have her any other way! ♥

 

 

Day 4: I am thankful for the little things in life. Like jumping in a pile of raked leaves, walking on the beach, a rainbow after a rainstorm, my favorite scent, seeing our little peanut’s ultrasound pictures and hearing its heartbeat, spending time with friends, kisses from my niece and brother, family time, laughing so hard I pee my pants, the feeling I get when I’ve accomplished something, reuniting with a friend or family member, warm slippers and cute socks, watching my hard work succeed, growing a garden and watching everything grow day by day, an organized room/house, the smell of clean clothes, tickle fights with TC, memories of being a kid, new printer ink, having a morning full of silence where I’m the only one awake or the only one in the house, blowing bubbles, the excitement I get when I add to my camera collection, yard sale hopping, jamming in the car with Koda Bug to our favorite music, the laughter of a baby, a favorite movie that I can watch over and over again without it ever getting boring, water gun and Nerf gun fights, the ability to just jump in the car and go anywhere, the excitement on Christmas morning and not being able to sleep the night before (even when you are an adult lol), long warm bubble baths, the feelings that holidays bring, bright colors, playing hopscotch, when TC plays with my hair and my fingers, snowball fights, old rustic things, hot coffee in the mornings, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, the way I can just push a button on my camera and freeze a moment in time for a lifetime, sunrises and sunsets, when a child wants to hold my hand and I do it because I know that moment won't last forever, and every little thing God gives us that we take for granted or overlook :) I am blessed ♥

 

 

Day 5: I’m thankful that I’ve found that special person to spend the rest of my life with. We argue, we get on each other’s nerves, we wanna just smack each other on the back of the head sometimes….but we never fight where we’re screaming and yelling at one another. We don’t walk away from each other or tell each other things we’d regret. We never go to bed or leave the house without tellin each other that we love one another. He tells me I’m beautiful every morning. He treats me like I’m the only woman in this world. He protects me from every little thing. He gives up his jacket when I’m cold. He stops what he’s doing to go get my crazy pregnancy craving. He never makes me do anything or be around anything I’m not comfortable with. He puts me first and never chooses me over anything or anyone (not even his video games lol). He takes care of me like no other man ever has. He randomly grabs my hand and kisses it. He tries to be romantic but is so cheesy with it and I love it! He cracks me up with all of his goofy dances he does. And even though he sings t-totally AWFUL, I love when he sings to me…especially when he sings our 2 songs to me. We trust each other with all of our hearts. We act like little kids with the tickle fights and Nerf gun fights we have. We make time for one another even if that means lying in our bed talking and cuddling. I’m finally happy and no one and nothing can ruin that. I’ve never been this happy with a man in my entire life and I can honestly say that TC makes me the happiest woman in the world! No one can touch that. “We got this, babe, we got this.” ♥

 

 

Day 6: I am thankful to have the ability to vote and live in a country that is free! We have the freedom to vote for whoever we want; the freedom of speech to talk about whatever we'd like (sometimes it gets us in trouble though); the freedom of religion to believe whatever we want; the freedom to do anything and be anyone no matter what race, color, sex, religion, sexual orientation, etc.; and so much more. I am thankful to live in a country that is so free thanks to our military men and women. I’m proud to be an American on this day and every day! ♥

 

 

Day 7: I’m thankful for my momma! She has always been there for me, Dakota, and Amber making sure we know right from wrong, guiding us through our lives, making sure we’re well taken care of, always telling us that we can do anything we want to do and be anyone we want to be, never doubting us, and always giving us the best advice. She has always been by our side letting us do our own thing and letting us learn from our mistakes without telling us she told us so. I don’t know how she did it all by herself for going on 12 years now, but she did it. She’s the strongest person I have ever known and I love her with all of my heart! I hope that I’m half the mother she is once my son or daughter is born. I love you, Momma! More than you’ll ever know. Now go grab a tissue and wipe those happy tears off your face :D

 

 

Day 8: I am thankful to be able to have the privilege to experience pregnancy and be a mommy because I know some people aren't able to experience what I'm going through right now. I was told that I may not be able to have kids one day and as much as I'm not ready to be a mom right now (or when they told me that), I'm glad I have the opportunity to be and I'm able to tell those doctors they were wrong. It was shocking, upsetting, and terrifying when we found out at first, but we're excited now and I can't wait to be a mommy! Some days are hard when I'm in pain, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I'm scared to be a mom and hope that I'll be a good one. I've gotten a lot of practice with Elizabeth lol. April can't come quick enough! I love you, Cora-Leigh or Graylon ♥

 

                                               16 weeks :)                            12 week ultrasound <3



To the fair we go

TC, my dad, Dakota, and I went to the fair on October 12th and we had so much fun! Of course, I couldn't get on any rides besides the ferris wheel, but I had fun just walking around, taking pictures, playing games, and eating yummy greasy fair food that is oh so not healthy for me lol.

TC and I played this game where you put either $1 on the board for a small prize or $2 on the board for a big prize. I have never won a big prize before, so of course we put $2 on the board. The object of the game was to pick a month or holiday and put your money on top of it under this little elastic string. The people running the game would throw an 8 sided dice and if it landed on your month or holiday, you won. We won the biggest piggy I have ever seen! lol We then won a Kia Soul hamster playing Wack-A-Mole and won a racoon hat playing a squirting game.

Here are some pictures I took while walking around and watching TC get on some rides :D

   

         

 

 

 

 

Halloween Costume :D

Yup I totally did this :D

 

 

 

This costume was a pain in the behind to do. I didn't think it was going to be that hard...but it was! Saturday night at Trunk or Treat, we tried hot glue. That held for about 10 minutes and so we tried to pin it. That DEFINITELY didn't work. So we hot glued it again and it worked. Well last night, we did tried super glue on a different t-shirt (because my smart self washed the other shirt and then stuck it in the dryer and the hot glue melted on the shirt where the shirt stuck together in all different directions lol). Super glue did NOTHING but make my fingers stick together and made the shirt stick to my belly. So we hot glue AND super glued and HALLELUJAH it worked! lol! Of course the fake blood stained not ony my hands, but my belly! Thank the Lord it's washable and it comes off skin like a charm (and clothes pheww).

TC and I took Dakota trick-or-treating last night at our Mawmaw and Pawpaw's neighborhood. Dakota couldn't decide whether he wanted to be Jason from Friday the 13th or Freddie Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street. So he decided to go as both lol silly kid! My grandparents' neighborhood is HUGE! Dakota got plenty of candy though and he had fun :)

It's November 1st and Dakota and I have spent the afternoon watching what? OF COURSE we're watching Halloweentown, Halloweentown 2 Kalabar's Revenge, Halloweentown High, and Return to Halloweentown :D

Hope everyone had a great and safe Halloween and that everyone is enjoying the first of the month without any tooth aches or stomach aches from all that candy :D

Also, in honor of November 1st, I shall be doing the 30 day of thankfulness. So day 1: I am thankful for my sweet boyfriend who supports me 110% in everything I do, who is sweet and caring, who busts his bootie to work 2 jobs so we can get ready for this baby and everything that comes along with that, and who is going to be the best daddy ever!

TC gave me a foot massage since my feet were a little swollen. He noticed I was taking pictures of him so this is what I got in return. Bahahaha!

Happy Halloween! :)

Happy Halloween everyone! Halloween is probably my favorite holiday aside from Christmas! :)

Tonight, TC and I are taking Dakota trick or treating. And of course, Dakota waits until the last minute to get his costume so looks like I'm taking him to Halloween Express to get his costume after school. Oh, what am I gonna do with this kid! lol My costume, on the other hand, is a surprise. I'll be posting pictures later :)

As of now, TC just headed off to work which means I am all alone in this house until 3:30 when I pick up Bug. And I must say the living room tv is acting WEIRD! TC turned the tv off before he went to work and ever since then, the tv has cut on and off a dozen times! And tv channel changed to Poltergeist. Now THAT freaked me out! Keep in mind, I'm all alone. Everyone's at work and school and the dog and cat are in the bedroom with me. So this is a little bizarre.

Other than all that, I'm feeling pretty good. My child is FINALLY on track now where he/she gives me MORNING sickness instead of this MIDNIGHT sickness that I've been used to the past 4 months. These nausea pills are my heroes!

TC is starting his "pregnancy sympathies" and it's quite funny! We'll go to the store and I'll pick out fruits and vegetables and all this healthy stuff...and then he chooses candy, ice cream, chips, and all this junk food. I always ask him, "are you sure YOU'RE not the pregnant one?" lol he's also getting into that mood where he feels like he is being left out of the pregnancy. He asked me if that was normal and I told him that is was beyond normal for daddies to feel like that especially first time daddies. He's so funny. As much as I thought I wouldn't want anyone to touch my belly, I love it when he does. He kisses me and then kisses my belly every night before he goes to bed and every morning when he wakes up to go to work. It's too cute! He even rubs my belly and my back to make it feel better. I guess that's his way to be close to the baby since he can't experience what I do. I swear I fall more in love with him every day!

Alrighty, well I'm gonna get off of here and get some laundry done and get my Halloween costume re-done. :)



Dakota and I made Halloween cookies yesterday :D

It's been a good day :)

I've been having dreams about my baby (good dreams that is). They're mostly me going into labor and holding the baby. TC asked me, "is it a boy or girl in your dreams?" And what's funny is, I don't know. I have this strong feeling in my dreams (and in reality) that it's a girl. But in my dream, there's no sign whether it's a boy or girl yet. Every time I have this dream, the baby is always wrapped up so it's not nakey where I can see inbetween its legs lol. The blanket isn't even pink or blue. It's just plain. But I have this feeling in my dreams that it's a girl. It's so weird!

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I still have muscle spasms and a pinched nerve in my back, and I've also developed gas in my ribs that is really intense. But other than that, I've been feeling good and keeping busy. This pregnancy is going by so fast it seems. I can't believe I'm already 3.5 months pregnant! It feels like just yesterday we announced that we were pregnant and got our first ultrasound at 7 weeks. My belly is growing and it feels so weird but cool at the same time. TC talks to the baby every night before we go to bed. I know the baby can't hear quite yet. It can ony hear and feel vibrations so I know it hears the vibration of Daddy's voice. It's just a very emotional experience to go through (in a good way). :D

I was watching A Baby Story this morning after running around doing errands. I sat there and I seriosuly cried when the woman was in the hospital getting ready to deliver her baby and cried even more once her baby was born. It just made me realize that that's going to be me and TC come April. It's just overwhelming and so unbelievable that I'm going to be a mommy soon. And I can't wait! I know it's going to be hard work, I know it's going to test mine and TC's relationship, I know we're going to have lack of sleep for awhile, and I know that the whole experience will be TOTALLY different than what we think it will be...but we're excited. Terrified, but excited. We have promised each other that no matter what happens, this won't tear us apart. We know it's going to be hard, we know that we're going to test each others' patience, and we know it's going to be a lot of hard work the rest of our lives...but we got this. We have promised each other that we'll stick by each other no matter how hard it is, no matter how much we wanna scream, no matter how hard we wanna walk away from each other, and no matter how much we wanna kill one another lol. Some people doubt us, but we'll show them. And hey, if it doesn't work in the end, we're still going to be there for our child...but we know that we both got this and we're in this together and that this won't tear us apart. I know a lot of couples who aren't married say that (and even some married couples say that), but we know in our hearts that we got this and we're going to make it work no matter how many people doubt us. We have our family and a few friends that are behind us 110% and that's all we need...and we have each other. We are so blessed! :D

Alrighty, I gotta get off of here and go run some more errands. Pheww! I'm ready for a nap! :D

Hormone Filled Venting :D

One thing that has TOTALLY gotten on my last damn nerves is people (whom I haven't talked to since high school mind you) who give me advice on parenting and pregnancy like I'm stupid as hell and don't know what the hell I'm doing! I appreciate advice, I really do...but don't treat me like I don't know what I'm doing!

Comments like these are what get on my damn nerves!:
- "you shouldn't be doing that"
- "oh, that's really bad for the baby"
- "wow, you shouldn't be experiencing that. Maybe you have ___ instead."

Can I please effin scream?!?! When I post something on Facebook, I'm not stupid! I know what I should and should not be doing! I have my OB's nurse on speed dial for any questions and concerns I have. They pretty much know me by name by now THAT'S how many times I have called them. I have asked her about taking baths and what soaps I should and should not use. I ask her if I'm allowed to eat or drink certain things (like egg nog, lunch meat, flavored waters, vinegar, how much salt and sugar I should have, etc.). I have asked her if it is normal for my breasts to be some what leaking already when I'm only 14 weeks. I have asked her if sex is okay, how often we should do it, what position to do it in, and whether night or morning has an effect on anything. I have asked about my seizures and if my convulsions hurt the baby at all. I have asked so many things. She has told me that as long as my bath water doesn't exceed 100 degrees, the baby is fine. She has told me that the best soaps and bubble bath stuff to use is the kids' soaps because those don't cause irritation, UTIs, none of that because it has special ingredients in it too fight those kinds of things FOR KIDS other the the stuff we adults use. She has informed me that if the bath water is too hot in a bath, the baby gets hot and is unable to sweat like we can. She has told me what food and drinks are good to eat and drink and which ones are not. She has told me that it is normal for your breasts to leak; some women start as early as 12 weeks, some 25 weeks, some not until the baby is born, and some not even then. She said sex is ok and to have sex just like you used to before you got pregnant and when you get passed your due date that the OB will tell you to have sex multiple times to speed up the labor process. She has helped me with my seizures and has told me that as long as I don't fall, my baby is perfectly fine and that my convulsions do not hurt the baby. So see, I know what I'm talking about when I post statuses like, "ahhh I'm enjoying a bubble bath" or "omg this egg nog is delicious!" I make sure I ask my OB about ANYTHING before I do it, eat it, or drink it! So everyone can get off my ass and shut their mouths! Unless I actually ask a question about something for advice to be given, shut your mouth and stop thinking I'm a dumb ass who doesn't know what she's doing!

It's one thing to give advice, but it's another when people are flat out telling me that I shouldn't be doing things when I have asked my OB. And I know that those people don't know that I have asked my OB these things, but why would I post something on Facebook where I KNOW someone's gonna tell me that it's harmful for my child if I didn't ask before hand?!?! I mean seriously, come on!

And one more thing, I absolutely cannot STAND when I post something like, "OMG I am so sick today! This kid didn't agree with what I ate," someone just HAS to say, " well be grateful that you actually get to experience that because not a lot of people can!" Ok 1. I know first hand how hard it is for someone to tell you that you might not be able to have kids one day because I have been told that. 2. I have someone in my family that cannot have kids so not only do I know what it's like to be told that, I have seen the hurt on that person's face when everyone else is having kids but that person cannot conceive. So don't tell me that I should be grateful that I am going through all these changes when I am 100% grateful that I have the ability to experience this because I know a lot of people who never will be able to. It still sucks to puke your guts out and to have pinched nerves in your back. Pregnancy is a gift not everyone can enjoy going through, but it's also a hard experience to go through, not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

Ok, now that I have gotten THAT off of my chest, I feel better haha!

People are gonna be stupid, I know this. And I know that I choose how I react to peoples's stupidity, but when you have raging hormones and you cry because you're out of pickles, people are gonna piss you off and there's no time to think about your reaction when your hormones do it for you.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Hopefully I'll have a better rest of the weeks because this week sucks! I am almost 14 weeks and I guess it really is true that 13 is an unlucky number because being 13 weeks pregnant SUCKS so far! lol

What a LOVELY Monday this is....NOT!

Ok so today couldn't get any worse for reals!

First, I wake up in pain because of these stupid seizures/events/whatever the hell they are.

Second, one of the OB doctors that I saw last Tuesday, set up an appointment for me to see a psychologist to handle my conversion disorder. I asked her to find me a place that takes my insurance and somewhere I can speak to a woman and not a man. Well, Friday she gave me all the info, she even set up an appointment for me. So I didn't think of calling this place when the OB I saw gave me the name of the place, the psychologist that I'd be seeing, what time my appointment was, directions to the place, everything. Well, Monday morning comes and I call up the number to the psychologist making sure my appointment was at 2 because I was in the car driving when the OB was telling me everything and I heard everything clearly except my appointment time. Couldn't remember if it was at 2 or 3. Well, as I was going to call them, my phone decided to not cut on...for 2 HOURS! So not only could I call them but I also couldn't get the number to my OB from my phone. So, I went to get on my computer to look up my OB's number. What happens? My internet on my computer wasn't working. So, I use the house phone to call my mom for her to get the number to my OB. She gives it to me and I call up there. I was on the phone for 20 minutes while the lady was trying to get my info up. Of course, their system was down and they had to go through loop holes just to get to my file. She finally gets to it and gives me all the info I need for my psychologist appointment at 2:00. Funny thing is, that info the nurse gave me was TOTALLY different than the info that OB gave me! She messed up the woman's name, gave me her cell phone number instead of the office's number (which the cell phone number was NOT the right number), she told me the place was located on the road in front of Lexington Medical Center (not even close! it was located on Alpine Road all the way over near Decker Boulevard!), AND she had the name of the place wrong! At least it was the same place she set my appointment to. She just gave ME the wrong info. Jeez!

So I get ALLLL the way over to Alpine Road. I left the house at 1 and STILL was 15 minutes late! I can't take interstate with my car and I don't like the interstate any way if I don't have to use it. So the minute I turn in, I remember this place. It was the same place the doctors at MUSC sent me and I was pissed because at this place, there were only men you could talk to so last summer when I found that out, I immediately left (I don't wanna talk to a man for a reason, just like my primary doctor isn't a man and neither is my OB...I prefer women for a reason and won't go into anymore detail than that). So of course, I was pissed! I walked in and asked which doctor I was going to see (just to clear that up since the OB I saw gave me the wrong psychologists' name by just a hair). The woman at the desk said that I would be seeing Kristin Clarry, so I felt better. I sit down and fill out all of the paper work and then was called back. I talked to Kristin for a good hour and a half. We talked about everything and she really helped! She was nice, very bubbly and excited about what she does, and just all around a very comfortable person to be around and talk to. Well after we talk, I go up to the front to schedule another appointment. The woman at the desk was very snooty and rude. She says, "that'll be $250." I asked her if my insurance covers any of that. She says, "no! we don't accept any insurance. That'll be $250." I asked her, "then why didn't you tell me that before I filled out all of that paper work and talked with her and why did you ask me for my insurance in that paper work if you don't take any insurance?" She just sat that. Then I asked, "why is it that the woman who talked to Kristin BEFORE me, had the same exact time with her as I did and HER bill is only $80 and mine is $250 when all I did was TALK to her? She didn't diagnose me, prescribe me with anything, nothing of that sort. Just talk." Oh, I was so pissed. She just said, "how would you like to pay for that?" I asked her if they could bill it to me and she said, "no! We don't do that! Payment is do at the time of the visit!" I told her that I don't have a job or a way to pay this today and that my mom THANKFULLY takes care of my other bills. My health bills, I'M having to pay for but can't other than co-pays! I told her that my mom could not afford that every 2 weeks like Kristin wanted me to come and that we couldn't afford that period! Urghh pissed me off! They demanded to call my mom and I told them that I would call her. They argued with me, telling me that THEY would do it. I told them, "no, I rather NOT piss her off while she's at work, thank you!" and I simply went into the waiting room and called my mom. Got off the phone with her and told the ladies that I could not pay this today and that I would pay it when I could since they did not notify me of this beforehand when I asked. I walked out of there!

It just pisses me off that for a YEAR I have tried to get into talking with someone who knows exactly what conversion disorder is and who has worked with someone with this disorder before. And when I FINALLY got to talk to someone and get a lot off my chest, all of it came crashing down! If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't worry about myself and this condition. I would just take the medicine they prescribe me and go on with my life because it's not like I haven't talked to someone about what I have been through in life. But when I have a child to look after and this child is depending on me to be healthy for it, it just hurts when I can't get the help I need where I don't suffer financially. My seizures have never bothered me. Yes, they are frustrating! Yes, they make me ache. Yes, they put me in an ill mood for days. But I can live with that the rest of my life when it can be semi-controlled with medicine. Medicine won't take these awful things away from me, but at least they'd help. But me being pregnant, I can't take these medicines and even if I could, I wouldn't so my child doesn't have any health problems that they oh so happened to figure out happens with this medicine like you see on the TV ALL the time. Seizures in my sleep doesn't hurt the baby...but what if I fall and have one. What then? I could lose this child and I can't go through losing another child. I just can't!

My conversion disorder is due to stress and the things I haven't dealt with in my past. I have forgiven what happened in my past and the people who caused it. I have talked to my mom about it. I have talked to Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore about it in high school since they were the ones who helped me in school with everything! But I went so long carrying so many secrets about my past, that it has all bottled up inside for so many years and has caused me to have this frustrating disorder. And on top of all that, it took them 6 years to find out that this is what I have. I have become a very open person after I met Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore. Not so open where I just tell you everything I have been through the minute I meet you, but my best friends now know the things I have been through. My parents and my immediate family know. So it's not like I have kept it all bottled up to this day. No, I just kept it bottled up inside from the time I was very little all the way up to high school when I met Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore, and that's a long time.

But any way! Like I said, today SUCKED! And I pray to God that the OB I saw last Tuesday is NOT the one who winds up delivering my child! Since my OB isn't promised to deliver my child, they bounce everyone around to each doctor to get to know and get comfortable with. But THIS doctor forgot EVERY piece of info about that appointment that SHE set up so God forbid she delivers my child and forgets something important! Oh lordy! I hope she gets stuck in traffic that day (without any injuries to any parties on that road) OR she's on vacation once my child is born because God forbid she is the one who delivers me! Phewww!

I think I am done ranting and raving now :D