Happy Halloween! :)

Happy Halloween everyone! Halloween is probably my favorite holiday aside from Christmas! :)

Tonight, TC and I are taking Dakota trick or treating. And of course, Dakota waits until the last minute to get his costume so looks like I'm taking him to Halloween Express to get his costume after school. Oh, what am I gonna do with this kid! lol My costume, on the other hand, is a surprise. I'll be posting pictures later :)

As of now, TC just headed off to work which means I am all alone in this house until 3:30 when I pick up Bug. And I must say the living room tv is acting WEIRD! TC turned the tv off before he went to work and ever since then, the tv has cut on and off a dozen times! And tv channel changed to Poltergeist. Now THAT freaked me out! Keep in mind, I'm all alone. Everyone's at work and school and the dog and cat are in the bedroom with me. So this is a little bizarre.

Other than all that, I'm feeling pretty good. My child is FINALLY on track now where he/she gives me MORNING sickness instead of this MIDNIGHT sickness that I've been used to the past 4 months. These nausea pills are my heroes!

TC is starting his "pregnancy sympathies" and it's quite funny! We'll go to the store and I'll pick out fruits and vegetables and all this healthy stuff...and then he chooses candy, ice cream, chips, and all this junk food. I always ask him, "are you sure YOU'RE not the pregnant one?" lol he's also getting into that mood where he feels like he is being left out of the pregnancy. He asked me if that was normal and I told him that is was beyond normal for daddies to feel like that especially first time daddies. He's so funny. As much as I thought I wouldn't want anyone to touch my belly, I love it when he does. He kisses me and then kisses my belly every night before he goes to bed and every morning when he wakes up to go to work. It's too cute! He even rubs my belly and my back to make it feel better. I guess that's his way to be close to the baby since he can't experience what I do. I swear I fall more in love with him every day!

Alrighty, well I'm gonna get off of here and get some laundry done and get my Halloween costume re-done. :)



Dakota and I made Halloween cookies yesterday :D

It's been a good day :)

I've been having dreams about my baby (good dreams that is). They're mostly me going into labor and holding the baby. TC asked me, "is it a boy or girl in your dreams?" And what's funny is, I don't know. I have this strong feeling in my dreams (and in reality) that it's a girl. But in my dream, there's no sign whether it's a boy or girl yet. Every time I have this dream, the baby is always wrapped up so it's not nakey where I can see inbetween its legs lol. The blanket isn't even pink or blue. It's just plain. But I have this feeling in my dreams that it's a girl. It's so weird!

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I still have muscle spasms and a pinched nerve in my back, and I've also developed gas in my ribs that is really intense. But other than that, I've been feeling good and keeping busy. This pregnancy is going by so fast it seems. I can't believe I'm already 3.5 months pregnant! It feels like just yesterday we announced that we were pregnant and got our first ultrasound at 7 weeks. My belly is growing and it feels so weird but cool at the same time. TC talks to the baby every night before we go to bed. I know the baby can't hear quite yet. It can ony hear and feel vibrations so I know it hears the vibration of Daddy's voice. It's just a very emotional experience to go through (in a good way). :D

I was watching A Baby Story this morning after running around doing errands. I sat there and I seriosuly cried when the woman was in the hospital getting ready to deliver her baby and cried even more once her baby was born. It just made me realize that that's going to be me and TC come April. It's just overwhelming and so unbelievable that I'm going to be a mommy soon. And I can't wait! I know it's going to be hard work, I know it's going to test mine and TC's relationship, I know we're going to have lack of sleep for awhile, and I know that the whole experience will be TOTALLY different than what we think it will be...but we're excited. Terrified, but excited. We have promised each other that no matter what happens, this won't tear us apart. We know it's going to be hard, we know that we're going to test each others' patience, and we know it's going to be a lot of hard work the rest of our lives...but we got this. We have promised each other that we'll stick by each other no matter how hard it is, no matter how much we wanna scream, no matter how hard we wanna walk away from each other, and no matter how much we wanna kill one another lol. Some people doubt us, but we'll show them. And hey, if it doesn't work in the end, we're still going to be there for our child...but we know that we both got this and we're in this together and that this won't tear us apart. I know a lot of couples who aren't married say that (and even some married couples say that), but we know in our hearts that we got this and we're going to make it work no matter how many people doubt us. We have our family and a few friends that are behind us 110% and that's all we need...and we have each other. We are so blessed! :D

Alrighty, I gotta get off of here and go run some more errands. Pheww! I'm ready for a nap! :D

Hormone Filled Venting :D

One thing that has TOTALLY gotten on my last damn nerves is people (whom I haven't talked to since high school mind you) who give me advice on parenting and pregnancy like I'm stupid as hell and don't know what the hell I'm doing! I appreciate advice, I really do...but don't treat me like I don't know what I'm doing!

Comments like these are what get on my damn nerves!:
- "you shouldn't be doing that"
- "oh, that's really bad for the baby"
- "wow, you shouldn't be experiencing that. Maybe you have ___ instead."

Can I please effin scream?!?! When I post something on Facebook, I'm not stupid! I know what I should and should not be doing! I have my OB's nurse on speed dial for any questions and concerns I have. They pretty much know me by name by now THAT'S how many times I have called them. I have asked her about taking baths and what soaps I should and should not use. I ask her if I'm allowed to eat or drink certain things (like egg nog, lunch meat, flavored waters, vinegar, how much salt and sugar I should have, etc.). I have asked her if it is normal for my breasts to be some what leaking already when I'm only 14 weeks. I have asked her if sex is okay, how often we should do it, what position to do it in, and whether night or morning has an effect on anything. I have asked about my seizures and if my convulsions hurt the baby at all. I have asked so many things. She has told me that as long as my bath water doesn't exceed 100 degrees, the baby is fine. She has told me that the best soaps and bubble bath stuff to use is the kids' soaps because those don't cause irritation, UTIs, none of that because it has special ingredients in it too fight those kinds of things FOR KIDS other the the stuff we adults use. She has informed me that if the bath water is too hot in a bath, the baby gets hot and is unable to sweat like we can. She has told me what food and drinks are good to eat and drink and which ones are not. She has told me that it is normal for your breasts to leak; some women start as early as 12 weeks, some 25 weeks, some not until the baby is born, and some not even then. She said sex is ok and to have sex just like you used to before you got pregnant and when you get passed your due date that the OB will tell you to have sex multiple times to speed up the labor process. She has helped me with my seizures and has told me that as long as I don't fall, my baby is perfectly fine and that my convulsions do not hurt the baby. So see, I know what I'm talking about when I post statuses like, "ahhh I'm enjoying a bubble bath" or "omg this egg nog is delicious!" I make sure I ask my OB about ANYTHING before I do it, eat it, or drink it! So everyone can get off my ass and shut their mouths! Unless I actually ask a question about something for advice to be given, shut your mouth and stop thinking I'm a dumb ass who doesn't know what she's doing!

It's one thing to give advice, but it's another when people are flat out telling me that I shouldn't be doing things when I have asked my OB. And I know that those people don't know that I have asked my OB these things, but why would I post something on Facebook where I KNOW someone's gonna tell me that it's harmful for my child if I didn't ask before hand?!?! I mean seriously, come on!

And one more thing, I absolutely cannot STAND when I post something like, "OMG I am so sick today! This kid didn't agree with what I ate," someone just HAS to say, " well be grateful that you actually get to experience that because not a lot of people can!" Ok 1. I know first hand how hard it is for someone to tell you that you might not be able to have kids one day because I have been told that. 2. I have someone in my family that cannot have kids so not only do I know what it's like to be told that, I have seen the hurt on that person's face when everyone else is having kids but that person cannot conceive. So don't tell me that I should be grateful that I am going through all these changes when I am 100% grateful that I have the ability to experience this because I know a lot of people who never will be able to. It still sucks to puke your guts out and to have pinched nerves in your back. Pregnancy is a gift not everyone can enjoy going through, but it's also a hard experience to go through, not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

Ok, now that I have gotten THAT off of my chest, I feel better haha!

People are gonna be stupid, I know this. And I know that I choose how I react to peoples's stupidity, but when you have raging hormones and you cry because you're out of pickles, people are gonna piss you off and there's no time to think about your reaction when your hormones do it for you.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Hopefully I'll have a better rest of the weeks because this week sucks! I am almost 14 weeks and I guess it really is true that 13 is an unlucky number because being 13 weeks pregnant SUCKS so far! lol

What a LOVELY Monday this is....NOT!

Ok so today couldn't get any worse for reals!

First, I wake up in pain because of these stupid seizures/events/whatever the hell they are.

Second, one of the OB doctors that I saw last Tuesday, set up an appointment for me to see a psychologist to handle my conversion disorder. I asked her to find me a place that takes my insurance and somewhere I can speak to a woman and not a man. Well, Friday she gave me all the info, she even set up an appointment for me. So I didn't think of calling this place when the OB I saw gave me the name of the place, the psychologist that I'd be seeing, what time my appointment was, directions to the place, everything. Well, Monday morning comes and I call up the number to the psychologist making sure my appointment was at 2 because I was in the car driving when the OB was telling me everything and I heard everything clearly except my appointment time. Couldn't remember if it was at 2 or 3. Well, as I was going to call them, my phone decided to not cut on...for 2 HOURS! So not only could I call them but I also couldn't get the number to my OB from my phone. So, I went to get on my computer to look up my OB's number. What happens? My internet on my computer wasn't working. So, I use the house phone to call my mom for her to get the number to my OB. She gives it to me and I call up there. I was on the phone for 20 minutes while the lady was trying to get my info up. Of course, their system was down and they had to go through loop holes just to get to my file. She finally gets to it and gives me all the info I need for my psychologist appointment at 2:00. Funny thing is, that info the nurse gave me was TOTALLY different than the info that OB gave me! She messed up the woman's name, gave me her cell phone number instead of the office's number (which the cell phone number was NOT the right number), she told me the place was located on the road in front of Lexington Medical Center (not even close! it was located on Alpine Road all the way over near Decker Boulevard!), AND she had the name of the place wrong! At least it was the same place she set my appointment to. She just gave ME the wrong info. Jeez!

So I get ALLLL the way over to Alpine Road. I left the house at 1 and STILL was 15 minutes late! I can't take interstate with my car and I don't like the interstate any way if I don't have to use it. So the minute I turn in, I remember this place. It was the same place the doctors at MUSC sent me and I was pissed because at this place, there were only men you could talk to so last summer when I found that out, I immediately left (I don't wanna talk to a man for a reason, just like my primary doctor isn't a man and neither is my OB...I prefer women for a reason and won't go into anymore detail than that). So of course, I was pissed! I walked in and asked which doctor I was going to see (just to clear that up since the OB I saw gave me the wrong psychologists' name by just a hair). The woman at the desk said that I would be seeing Kristin Clarry, so I felt better. I sit down and fill out all of the paper work and then was called back. I talked to Kristin for a good hour and a half. We talked about everything and she really helped! She was nice, very bubbly and excited about what she does, and just all around a very comfortable person to be around and talk to. Well after we talk, I go up to the front to schedule another appointment. The woman at the desk was very snooty and rude. She says, "that'll be $250." I asked her if my insurance covers any of that. She says, "no! we don't accept any insurance. That'll be $250." I asked her, "then why didn't you tell me that before I filled out all of that paper work and talked with her and why did you ask me for my insurance in that paper work if you don't take any insurance?" She just sat that. Then I asked, "why is it that the woman who talked to Kristin BEFORE me, had the same exact time with her as I did and HER bill is only $80 and mine is $250 when all I did was TALK to her? She didn't diagnose me, prescribe me with anything, nothing of that sort. Just talk." Oh, I was so pissed. She just said, "how would you like to pay for that?" I asked her if they could bill it to me and she said, "no! We don't do that! Payment is do at the time of the visit!" I told her that I don't have a job or a way to pay this today and that my mom THANKFULLY takes care of my other bills. My health bills, I'M having to pay for but can't other than co-pays! I told her that my mom could not afford that every 2 weeks like Kristin wanted me to come and that we couldn't afford that period! Urghh pissed me off! They demanded to call my mom and I told them that I would call her. They argued with me, telling me that THEY would do it. I told them, "no, I rather NOT piss her off while she's at work, thank you!" and I simply went into the waiting room and called my mom. Got off the phone with her and told the ladies that I could not pay this today and that I would pay it when I could since they did not notify me of this beforehand when I asked. I walked out of there!

It just pisses me off that for a YEAR I have tried to get into talking with someone who knows exactly what conversion disorder is and who has worked with someone with this disorder before. And when I FINALLY got to talk to someone and get a lot off my chest, all of it came crashing down! If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't worry about myself and this condition. I would just take the medicine they prescribe me and go on with my life because it's not like I haven't talked to someone about what I have been through in life. But when I have a child to look after and this child is depending on me to be healthy for it, it just hurts when I can't get the help I need where I don't suffer financially. My seizures have never bothered me. Yes, they are frustrating! Yes, they make me ache. Yes, they put me in an ill mood for days. But I can live with that the rest of my life when it can be semi-controlled with medicine. Medicine won't take these awful things away from me, but at least they'd help. But me being pregnant, I can't take these medicines and even if I could, I wouldn't so my child doesn't have any health problems that they oh so happened to figure out happens with this medicine like you see on the TV ALL the time. Seizures in my sleep doesn't hurt the baby...but what if I fall and have one. What then? I could lose this child and I can't go through losing another child. I just can't!

My conversion disorder is due to stress and the things I haven't dealt with in my past. I have forgiven what happened in my past and the people who caused it. I have talked to my mom about it. I have talked to Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore about it in high school since they were the ones who helped me in school with everything! But I went so long carrying so many secrets about my past, that it has all bottled up inside for so many years and has caused me to have this frustrating disorder. And on top of all that, it took them 6 years to find out that this is what I have. I have become a very open person after I met Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore. Not so open where I just tell you everything I have been through the minute I meet you, but my best friends now know the things I have been through. My parents and my immediate family know. So it's not like I have kept it all bottled up to this day. No, I just kept it bottled up inside from the time I was very little all the way up to high school when I met Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore, and that's a long time.

But any way! Like I said, today SUCKED! And I pray to God that the OB I saw last Tuesday is NOT the one who winds up delivering my child! Since my OB isn't promised to deliver my child, they bounce everyone around to each doctor to get to know and get comfortable with. But THIS doctor forgot EVERY piece of info about that appointment that SHE set up so God forbid she delivers my child and forgets something important! Oh lordy! I hope she gets stuck in traffic that day (without any injuries to any parties on that road) OR she's on vacation once my child is born because God forbid she is the one who delivers me! Phewww!

I think I am done ranting and raving now :D

What a glorious day!

I am having a glorious days! You know when you have one of those days where you just totally crack yourself up by the things you say and do? Well, I'm having one of those kinds of days....but in a good/non-embarrassing way lol.

I just got a phone call from my bridal consultant from David's Bridal. She left me a voicemail wondering if I was still interested in the wedding dress I picked out and put up there back in January. It just dawned on me that April 20, 2013, I should be marrying my ex-fiance. Well come to find out, that same day is when my baby is due. I found it hilarious! I seriously wanna call her back up and be like, "no, I won't be needing that wedding dress anymore because I'm not getting married to that guy on April 20, 2013 anymore. But instead, I'm with another man and our unborn child is due on that day!" I wonder if and when I tell her that, we'll end our conversation and she will turn to her coworker and say, "what a slut!" LMAO! That would be priceless! I'm definitely far from a slut, but I could totally see where someone would think that I was if I said it that way. BAHAHAHA!

Other than that oh so amazing discovery, I am feeling awesome today! I'm not hurting, I haven't had a seizure/event in a couple days, I don't feel nauseous, nothing. I'm feeling great today! Even my mood is awesome! :D

As of now, I'm gonna go cuddle up with my man and watch a movie before bed time :D

12 weeks and 4 days :D

I am 12 weeks and 4 days as of today! And I am ecstatic! I have finally stopped puking my guts out! Still feel nauseous but glad I'm not puking even though sometimes, my nausea sticks around for hours and I wish I would just puke already! I hate the feeling of having to puke but you can't! Urghh one of the worst feelings ever!

TC and I are debating on whether we should pay the extra money to find out what the gender is at 16 weeks or wait until the 20-24 week appointment. Me being the impatient person that I am, CANNOT wait! Lol! But we will discuss it and decide before my 16 week appointment which in November 20th. :D

The past few days have been a little hard though. Baby is perfectly fine, so no worries there. I have a conversion disorder which causes me to have what is called "events" that mimick seizures. I haven't had an event in a few months but the past 5 nights in a row, I've had them and then get really bad muscle spasms in m stomach and back. Mine are caused by stress but I can't think of anything that I would have been stressed out about the past 5 days but then again, your body reacts differently and you could be stressed but never know it. The OB said she has had 2 other patients other than me that have this disorder and that 1 of them had to be on bed rest her entire pregnancy because hers was really bad. Mine's not that bad anymore. It used to be really bad when I was on medicine for epilepsy when I shouldn't have been but that's when they thought I had epilepsy. I can usually tell when they're coming on depending on my stress level. I'll feel them coming on and can sit down in time before I have one. But sometimes, I can't feel them on quick enough to sit down which is where I fall and hit my head or hurt myself and what not. The muscle spasms were concerning me for the baby's sake but my OB said that as long as I'm not falling or bleeding, the baby is perfectly fine because the womb acts as a big muscle that protects the baby so that made me feel so much better! I just pray that I don't fall where I'm gonna have to be on bed rest! I just wanna cry! :'(

The difference between seizures and events are seizures are caused by brain waves breaking, events are psychological. I was diagnosed with epilepsy on July 30th, 2009. For 2 years, I was pretty much a lab rat, and I was on at least 10 different medications. My neurologist at the time would try one medicine for a few months and once that one decided not to work, it was off to a different kind of medicine. It was frustraing to say the least. That whole time, I'd have 4-10 (what was then called) seizures a day! After months of trying to get omitted to MUSC in Charleston, on April 11th, 2011 I was finally omitted for a 3-5 day evalation and depending on what the doctors would find during my evaluation, possible surgery was in the question. After 3 days, they found out that I didn't have epilepsy but instead, I had a conversion disorder. The doctors described that police officers, military men and women, firefighters, etc., go through things on a daily basis that not everyone goes through....and the things that I have been through, not everyone has been through which causes this disorder.

So nonetheless, it's been an emotional few days. I pray that I don't have any events tonight. That would be amazing! These muscle spasms afterwards are just killer and I'm so sore it's not even funny! :(

Other than all that chaos, the baby is perfect! They did the Nuchal Translucency test this morning. If yall don't know what that is, it's a test they do where they measure the baby's neck to determine any deformities or mental handicaps. That turned out normal thank the Lord! The heart beat is 159 so it's strong and steady.

TC and I are planning on having a gender reveal party once the time comes to find out the sex of our baby. But TC and I are planning on knowing the sex before our family and friends do. We're planning on not having the one ultrasound screen that is for us to be turned on and we're getting the ultrasound technician to put whether it's a boy or a girl in a sealed envelope. Once our appointment is done, we are meeting up with my best friend, Gretchen, who is going to take the envelope, open to see the gender, and then go get either blue or pink balloons. While she does that, TC and I are going to stay busy. Gretchen is going to fill a cardboard box up with the balloons and she's going to take pictures of us while we open it and see what we're having. Then either that night or a few days after, we're having the gender reveal party for our family and friends to find out. We're getting a plain cake made and we're going to get the bakery to fill the cake with either pink or blue icing. We'll already know the sex, but we'll cut the cake for our family and friends to find out. I CAN'T WAIT!!! :D

OH also! My cousin, Stephanie's, gender reveal party was this past Sunday and she is having a.....GIRL!!! :D

Alrighty, I'm gonna spend some cuddle time with my man, watch some tv, and go to bed soon. Gotta a semi big day tomorrow (but watch, I'll nap through half of it lol).

Stephanie and Justin's Gender Reveal Party 10-14-12

12 weeks, 4 days. Our little plum :D

Nick Mom Anyone?

I am watching these shows on Nick Mom and they are hilarious! I never knew there was a channel on Nickelodeon after 12 called Nick Mom but I love it! I'm seriously rolling on the floor right now. Just a few things from the Parental Discretion With Stephanie Wilder-Taylor show:

“My wife and I have a son who is 2. Yeah, she’s still breastfeeding him. And he walks around this house on his little tricycle all like, ‘YEAH! I’m the sheriff of Nipple Town!’ Um, no you’re not kid. This is a co-op. We share the nipples in this house!”

“So my daughter asked why our dog, Zeus, only has one eye and I couldn’t help myself so I leaned down to her and I said, ‘Zeus was a bad listener you see. And when you’re not a good listener BOOM! Your eye pops out.’ Now so many people say, ‘OMG! THAT’S SO AWFUL! Why would you tell your kid that?!?!’ Well, she’s a good listener now so it’s a win-win in my eyes.”

The black woman is the funniest! She says, “so my kid has this girl in her class like LaDashia. The teach pronounced it ‘La-Dash-ia’ and the little girl says, ‘NO! it’s La-DAY-shia.’ There are 3 things you can assume from this girl. 1. her momma will never be at the PTA Meetings, 2. she doesn’t have a daddy because there is NO way that 2 people signed off on this level of ignorance for this child’s name, and 3. that child’s gonna have an attitude up the yang because she’s not gonna be able to find her name on a keychain.”

"You know in your kids' classrooms, there's always one kid's mother who's always the planner and perfect. Right? Well my daughter has a little girl named Emily in her class with a mother like that. One day, my daughter came home from school and told me that the tooth fairy came to visit Emily the night before and that she got glitter on her floor, a barbie doll, an Ipod, and a whopping $20 bill. My daughter said, 'momma, the toothy fairy hates me! Why don't I get stuff like that?' I told her, 'well honey, it's time to tell you the truth. The reason why Emily gets all of that stuff is because the tooth fairy doesn't like Emily so her mommy pretends to be the tooth fairy. You see, the REAL tooth fairy brings special kids like you a sweaty $1 bill and gives the other $19 to mommy so she'll have money to give to you the next morning for school. Emily's mommy is a fake tooth fairy and an lying asshole.' And that, ladies, is how it's done! BOOYAH!"

HOLY CRAP! Hilarious!

TC and I have discussed breastfeeding and he's all in for me doing it because that's what I wanna do if I can. TC only says that so he won't have to feed our kid as often as he would if we were bottle feeding. I'm not stupid, TC lol. But that's ok, he's gonna be jealous of that little booger when it comes because he won't be able to be the Sheriff of Nipple Town and it won't be a co-op! LMAO!

TC is at drill this weekend and I absolutely hate this! Today has just dragged on and on! I'm exhausted and been wanting to sleep all day but now that it's night time, I can't sleep. So here I sit at 1:11 in the morning. I did have a good day today! Other than having to pee every 5 minutes, no pain and no nausea or being sick. So kuddos for me! I actually haven't been sick in awhile. I've just had the feeling of needing to puke which I think is worse than actually puking because at least when you puke it only lasts around 5-10 minutes rather than having the feeling of needing to puke lasts all damn day! But any way! It's been a good day. Had a photoshoot with the cutest little boy ever today! Most gorgeous eyes and smile! He's gonna break some hearts when he's older if he hasn't already lol! Watch out ladies!

Ok so TC and I have been trying to find a house or apartment for rent and it's been a roller coaster! We've found a few though. We just need to save up some money. I guess we should have money saved up and THEN start looking because I've seen so many places that I absolutely love and they'll probably be gone by the time we have the money which sucks, so crossing our fingers these houses and townhouses will still be available. Needless to say, it's been a roller coaster! We're just so ready to have our own little place to call home it's not even funny!

The countdown begins! 10 more days until be get to see our little peanut again! It's the size of a lime now. Too cool! We learned that it has developed reflexes! So when I push on my belly, it has the reflex to move! So neat!

Alrighty it's time to finish up these pictures and hit the sheets! Gotta photoshoot tomorrow afternoon and I can't wait! :D

Here's a sneak peek of sweet, little Liam from today's shoot! :D