Yesterday was an awful day! It first started out with a nasty comment made privately to me and as much as I appreciate that didn't publically say it to me where everyone could see on my Facebook, it still hurt. I try not to let people get to me. I try to react differently since I am in fact the only one who can choose HOW to react to someone. Well, that's easier said than done while pregnant and having your emotions already thinning. The comment that was made was about my miscarriage I had a year ago. And just that simple sentence they said to me, hurt. They said it because of a post I posted on Facebook that they read wrong. Everyone else knew I didn't mean it in a harmful way. I was just saying how amazing God is and how He works in mysterious ways. I wasn't being a smart ass, I didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings, I was simply taking a shitty day and realizing that God gives us a light at the end of the dark tunnel and at the end of that tunnel, He makes it all better. Well, they didn't think that way which is fine because everyone has their own opinion, everyone has a different way of thinking and looking at things. But they didn't have to make the nasty comment to me. They could have just acted like an adult, ignored my post, and moved on instead of upsetting an already distraught pregnant woman.
This same person I am talking about, I should have let go a long time ago. I should have stepped away when I could have because I knew I'd get hurt in the long run...but they wouldn't let me walk away. Not their fault at all when I say they didn't let me because I know I have that choice of who gets to stay in my life and who I should walk away from. I guess since I do see these people every Sunday at church (if we both go to church), I felt obligated to still be in their lives. Doesn't help that these people were in my life a little over a year and were going to soon be my family. Of course that didn't happen and I've gotten over that a long time ago. But these people were there for me...until the end. But none of that matters now because I'm moving on. I'm finally letting go. That's what I've been needing for the past year. To just let go. And not just let go of them, but everyone who is associated with them. Not trying to be rude or bash them in any way although they have hurt me. I need to do this for me and my sanity. I can't keep holding on to something that God has obviously pushed me away from and made me open my eyes to.
So yesterday, I let go. I let go of a lot of people who deliberately put me down and make me feel like a teeny tiny ant. I'm tired of people walking all over me. I'm tired of letting people get to me and letting them hurt me without saying a word to them just so it won't hurt their feelings and just to dodge a little fight or argument. If they took the time to hurt me and not think about my feelings, then why should I hold back my thoughts and feelings in order to not hurt them? I guess I've always had the mind set of " do unto others as you would have them do to you" that and not to stoop to their level. Well I'm done holding back my feelings.
On top of all that, TC and I were on our way to our doctor's appointment and right before I was going to ask TC to drive because I was starting to have some contractions, I get pulled over for speeding. I was going 57 in a 45 RIGHT BEFORE it changed 55. Like seriously I had less than 200 feet until the speed limit changed to 55. That and I looked down at my speedometer and I was going 50, not 57! But of course, I didn't feel like being a bitch to that cop because I probably would have ended up in a jail cell, no lie! I didn't even speak to the officer. TC did all the talking because he KNEW if I opened my mouth, he'd be shaking his head and having to bail me outta jail. Again, why people have to piss a pregnant woman is beyond me. They should put warning labels on us for real!
Well, after I get done with the asshole cop, I get TC to call our doctor's office to tell them that we were going to be late but we were on our way. Well, of course as we pull into the doctor's office parking lot, they call us back and tell us that my appointment isn't until the next day! Really? Yall couldn't have told us that when we called yall to tell yall we'd be late?!?! TC told them that that's not what our sheet said when our apppointment was. And we even got back to the house and my sheet said, "4-03-13 at 1:20 pm with Dr. Jones." So today, when I go BACK up there, I'm gonna be a smart ass and bring my sheet up there and make sure the rest of my appointments are correct. I was just pissed because 1. I have a quarter tank of gas in my car that has to last me all week. 2. My doctor's office is behind the hospital which is about 15-20 minutes away from our house. 3. I don't have the time nor the gas nor the money to waste going back and forth to the hospital. Urghh! So frustrating!
After all of that frustration, I dropped TC off at the flea market so he could help a friend clean out their building. I drop him off, get all the way to our house, go to unlock the door, and notice that my house key was not on my keychain! Urghh! So all the way BACK to the flea market to get TC's keys and I just wind up waiting for TC to finish so I didn't have to get all the way back to the house and then get a phone call as I'm just relaxing to pick him up. I was tired, I was fed up with this shitty day, and I just wanted to go home and go to bed! Of course it didn't help that I hadn't had time to eat all day and didn't really feel like eating because of these stupid contractions. Again, URGHH!!!
We get home and TC tries everything in his power to cheer me up. We go to Walmart to get some groceries and so I can walk and of course someone else has to post something on my status and it just goes down hill from there with people defending me. I appreciate that people wanna defend me, but on Facebook, it gets you NO WHERE! So I just turn my phone off and ignore it all.
Contractions all night for the past week and hurting so bad! I am a little short shit and Grayson is growing like a weed and doesn't have any room which makes this pain even more uncomfortable. I've always loved being short even with all the teasing, but right now, I effin hate it! I never knew being short would hurt this bad being pregnant! I know it's all gonna be worth it in the end...but the end can hurry the hell up! I swear the last month of pregnancy lasts longer than the whole pregnancy does! At least that's what it seems like. It's dragging on and on and on. Feels like time has just stopped to taunt my short ass.
So the devil really tested my patience yesterday and all day long yesterday, I couldn't help but to have the song from Annie stuck in my damn head: "the sun will come out tomorrow..." Well it's tomorrow and it's effin raining! No sun today but that doesn't mean my day won't be sunny. The devil's not gonna win today. It's gonna be a good day whether I have to force it or not.
Getting ready to head to my doctor's appointment. Hoping and praying for some good news and that I've progressed some. Hoping to get some answers as to why I keep blacking out and falling and having contractions non stop. Please say a prayer for us <3
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